Chicago Cubs Pay Miami Marlins to Take Carlos Zambrano Off their Hands

So the Chicago Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Miami Marlins, who once again are demanding our attention. We can't wait to see him in his new Rainbow Brite uniform.

In return, the Cubbies will get right-hander Chris Volstad while also forking over $15.45 million of Zambrano's $18 million salary this season. Just let that one sink in for a minute.

First off, were the Cubs seriously hating on Big Z so much that they were willing to part with him and pay the majority of his income? You bet. In fact, the club's spankin' new President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein cited mistrust and general distaste among his former teammates as one of the main reasons he had to get him out of there.

What a deal for the Marlins.

Second, Chris Volstad is that guy whose name you can never remember but whose face you think you might recognize. Or not. He's average at best, carrying around a career 4.59 ERA in four big league seasons. Originally the Marlins' first-round pick in 2005, he's been up with the club since 2008, compiling a less than desirable 32-39 record along the way. Obviously, he's no Carlos Zambrano, who touts a 3.60 career ERA in 11 seasons on the North Side, with a 125-81 win-loss. Then again, Volstad probably isn't a psychopath either.

After a tumultuous career in which the 30-year-old righty has squabbled with teammates, managers, coaches, and umpires, the last straw coming on August 12. Upon being ejected from a game for being a total ass, he cleaned out his locker and began starting rumors of his retirement. Apparently he was only joking.

It Was a Matter of Time Before Jim Hendry Got Canned

Tom Ricketts has seen enough. Jim Hendry has finally been fired after extending his team's World Series drought to 103 years.

The Chicago Cubs general manager has certainly had his ups and downs over the last nine seasons... mostly downs. Another disappointing end to another miserable season was the last straw for new owner Ricketts, who said it was time for a "fresh approach in our baseball leadership."

Carlos Zambrano Talks Retirement, Changes his Mind

Carlos Zambrano wants the Cubs to take him back, claiming he'd still like to pitch for the team, even though he said he was done with them a couple days ago.

Apparently, he was just "frustrated" when he told club personnel that he wanted to retire after his most recent start. Zambrano cleaned out his locker and said that he wanted to retire after giving up five home runs and being ejected from Friday night's 10-4 loss to the Atlanta Braves following two brushbacks to Chipper Jones.

Carlos Zambrano Apologizes to Teammate Carlos Marmol

Carlos Zambrano is super sorry. Again.

The high-strung Chicago Cubs hurler bitched about Carlos Marmol giving up the tying RBI double on a slider to Ryan Theriot in the ninth inning of their team's 3-2 loss to the St. Louis Cardinals on Sunday. Zambrano, who clearly never makes mistakes, said after the game that the closer should have gone with a fastball instead.

Though he apologized to Marmol in person, he had this to say while explaining himself to the media on Monday:

"What I said yesterday was in a moment of frustration. I apologized to Marmol. Let’s move on."

Frustration is understandable when your club is fifth in the National League Central -- 11 games out of first place -- and coming off the ass end of a sweep by the rival first-place Cardinals. However, you need to learn to control yourself man.

This, just a few days after he flipped the eff out while whiffing on a rookie curveball.

[Hardball Talk]

Albert Pujols Looks Hot in a Cubbies Uniform

Last year, we attempted to heat up the hot stove with this amazing video of Grady Sizemore, Joe Mauer, Ryan Howard, David Wright, and Evan Longoria doing a sexy dance for you. Obviously, that was a huge hit.

At long last, JibJab has teamed up with Major League Baseball to give you the ability to put yourself, your friends, your family, or whoever you wish in a big league uniform. The possibilities are literally endless.

Carlos Zambrano Snaps Bat After Jordan Lyles Strikeout

Carlos Zambrano was at it again Tuesday night, snapping his bat during a fit at the plate after whiffing on a Jordan Lyles curveball to end the fifth inning of his Chicago Cubs' 7-3 loss to the Houston Astros.

Maybe he was pissed because it was Lyles' first ever major league start in which he happened to dominate seven shutout innings? Perhaps.

This tantrum is the latest in a fairly long line of outbursts during Zambrano's decade-long career. Around this time last season, he was suspended indefinitely by general manager Jim Hendry after going batshit crazy on Derrek Lee in the dugout. Here's a nifty timeline of Big Z's Shenanigans over the years.

Despite being a pitcher by trade, he takes an amazing amount of pride in his hitting. As he should with a .346 average and .538 slugging percentage on the season.

Andre Ethier's Hit Streak Intact but at a Standstill

We talked a little bit about Andre Ethier's impressive hitting streak on Tuesday, even though we were a little reluctant to considering the luck we've had when opening our big mouths in the past.

The Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder was scratched from Wednesday's game against the Chicago Cubs (which his team ended up losing 5-1) with a sore left elbow. Although he made it clear that he was willing to sacrifice his streak for one pinch-hit late in the game, he never even got the chance since Carlos Zambrano was being so unhittable.

We've always like Ethier. In fact, we were a little irritated back in the summer of 2009 when Manny Ramirez came back from his first steroid-related suspension and Ethier was thrown back on the bench like some sort of worthless replacement, even though he was ten times the player Manny was that season and stepped up huge during those 50 games.

Carlos Zambrano to Apologize to Cubs

After completing his mandatory anger management treatment and returning from the restricted list, Carlos Zambrano will be apologizing to his Chicago Cubs teammates.

The ornery righthander has been in touch with bullpen catcher Edgar Tovar since his dugout blowout on June 25 where he got into a screaming match with first baseman Derrek Lee after giving up four runs in the first inning.

Tovar claims Big Z is very sorry and went on to say:

He feels bad about everything. He loves Chicago and he loves playing for the Cubs and wants to stay here.

Carlos Zambrano Flips the Hell Out

Carlos Zambrano has clearly lost his mind. The Chicago Cubs fired-up right-hander was suspended indefinitely by general manager Jim Hendry after going batshit crazy during a confrontation with teammate Derrek Lee in the dugout Friday afternoon.

Things got heated right away during his team's 6-0 loss to the cross-town White Sox, as Big Z threw a giant hissy in the middle of the first inning, never to return to the mound... or the stadium... or possibly the organization.

Zambrano Hits a Bomb in Win #100

Carlos Zambrano was pretty wild Friday in his 2-1 win over the Cincinnati Reds, but he pitched well enough to earn his 100th career victory and managed not to piss off any umpires.

The Chicago Cubs righty lasted into the seventh inning, striking out seven batters and allowing two hits with a season-high five walks.

It took Zambrano three tries to reach the milestone since beating the Florida Marlins on May 3rd. After that, he spent 19 days on the disabled list with a left hamstring strain, then lost to the San Diego Padres before being suspended six games for a dust-up with plate umpire Mark Carlson on May 27th in Chicago. Then, he had to wait one more day after rain delayed his chance for victory #100 in Atlanta on Thursday.

Liveblog at Walkoff Walk!

It's been a busy morning so far, so I'm going to go ahead and link to some great stories around the blogosphere instead of actually using my brain.

The SportsBubbler is pumped to have Trevor Hoffman back in action.

Very Small Talk is glad fans are now getting a "bargain" on tickets at the spankin' new Yankee Stadium.

Read about Jorge Cantu! believing in himself at his very own big league blog.

Cubs Hub details Big Z's near-cycle. Oh, what could have been.

Anyway, I get the joy of live-blogging Johan Santana and the New York Mets vs. Josh Johnson and the Florida Marlins, whose bandwagon I abandoned earlier this week, over at Walkoff Walk. If you've never been to this blog, I demand you go there immediately. It's my favorite. Seriously. Right. Now.

Ozzie Strokes Cubbies, Fans with Kindness

The thoughtful Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox skipper, had nothing but a string of pleasantries to help soothe the utterly deflated egos of the Cubs organization and the fans.

"I think they went out and played their heart out. They just got beat," said the Ozzie tenderly, while pleasuring himself under the table during the interview. "The expectations were so high. It's not easy as a player to come every day with 'This is the year. This is the year.' Well, what if this isn't the year? What if 'the year' is next year?"

Apparently Ozzie even sent a text message to Carlos Zambrano after the Dodgers won 3-1 on Saturday. He told him to keep his head up, don't let upcoming criticism get him down. This from the same man who told White Sox closer Bobby Jenks in 2006, "When you're fat and you're good, you're a strong guy...When you're fat and you're horse-shit, you're fat."

There Is No Joy In Wrigleyville

There is no sorrow in the world of sports like being a Cubs fan. Chicago is one of the greatest cities not just in the Midwest, or United States, but in the world. But the invisible fence around Wrigley Field seems to prevent joy from ever entering the friendly confines.

Maybe it gets lost in the ivy. Or blown into the tiny whitecaps of Lake Michigan on its way to the North Side of the Windy City. Maybe the goat ate it. At any rate, fans are kept on pins and needles from that first pitch on opening day to that moment when the Cubs have lost their last game. The real reason Cub fans are blue? It's from holding their breath all the time.

Carlos Zambrano, who not long ago pitched a no-hitter after concerns he had a tired arm, couldn't get the win needed last night against Torre's Dodgers. Cubs defense was sloppy, the offense quiet, and the fans sat pale-faced, patiently waiting for a moment to cheer about something. The strange part is that the Chicago Cubs have a rockin' team this year. I mean, they're really good. It should at least be good baseball, not the slaughters we witnessed Wednesday and Thursday. Manny doesn't need another World Series ring.

We Love Men Who Take Charge

Like the Chicago Cubs, for instance, who are taking charge of the NL Central. Now holding a four-game lead over the once-surging Milwaukee Brewers, the North-Siders are enjoying some hitting on the part of Alfonso Soriano and some lights-out pitching by guys like Ryan Fricking Dempster, who is 12-4 with a 2.90 ERA.

Don't Be Sad, Cubs Fans

After leaving Wednesday night’s game against the Tampa Bay Rays with discomfort in his pitching shoulder, Carlos Zambrano underwent an MRI on Friday and walked away relieved.

Turns out, the Chicago Cubs righty is suffering from inflammation and a mild strain -- without any major structural damage -- and will not only skip his next scheduled start against the Baltimore Orioles this Tuesday, but land on the 15-day disabled list... much to the delight of cross-town skip Ozzie Guillen.

In other Cubbies news, X-rays taken Friday on Alfonso Soriano’s broken left hand showed healing progress, but the timetable for his return remains the same.

[Hardball]

Voodoo Sabermetrics: Carlos Zambrano

Welcome to our seventh edition of Voodoo Sabermetrics. This week we break down one of the biggest badasses in baseball, Carlos Zambrano.

Sooze, Babes Love Baseball

Jolliness - The jollity of Carlos Zambrano cannot be measured in chuckles or belly laughs. It can only be determined by how hard he can punch someone in the melon. But as heartbroken as this makes Cubbies fans, he won't be beating anyone's ass or throwing any sinkers in the near future. At this juncture, Zambrano gets an MRI on the ever-tipping Scale of Jolliness.

Spring Fever

Cactus League: Diamondbacks 5, Cubs 4

Not only did Chicago Cubs' ace Carlos Zambrano pitch three scoreless innings during the club's 5-4 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks on Wednesday, but the 6'5" monster also swung for the fences.

In the top of the third, Big Z nailed a hanging breaking ball, clearing the 388-foot sign in right-center field.

Right-hander Juan Gutierrez started for the D'Backs, tossing two perfect innings with three K's.

Cubs first baseman Micah Hoffpauir hit a solo shot in the fourth while utility infielder and former South-sider Alex Cintron added an RBI single in the same inning, making it 3-0.

However, the Cubbies couldn't hang onto the lead. In the bottom of the eighth inning, outfielder Alex Romero gave Arizona their first lead of the game with an RBI single off Cubs reliever Tim Lahey.

Give Me Some of That Nice California Wine!

The Chicago Cubs have had a wild season.

The big expectations began before the season even started with $300 million chalked up to their roster after a 2006 last-place finish. By the All Star break, they were 8 1/2 games out, fighting amongst themselves and looking like the disappointing club their fans have grown to suffer by.

Big Z Gets Big Money

Carlos Zambrano hasn't exactly had the patience of a saint, and his season thus far has been pretty eventful, but he's still into the whole monogamy thing.

Waiting around for a sweet deal has finally paid off, as the Chicago Cubs ace agreed to a five-year, $91.5 million payday with an option for a sixth season on the only club he has ever been with.

Even after the Cubbies went on a $300 million spending spree in the off season, Big Z got the full no-trade clause he demanded with a $5 million signing bonus, including a possible $19.25 million extension. The option stands if he finishes first or second in Cy Young Award voting in 2011, or top four in 2012 and is healthy at the end of the fifth year of the deal.

Failing to earn his 15th victory over his last three starts, the two-time All-Star has a 14-9 record (78-51 career) with a 3.86 ERA.

[FOX Sports]

Under The Bleachers with Carlos Zambrano

We met up with Chicago Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano today after we read and re-read this heart-warming interview with ESPN.

Sooze: "Carlos. May I call you Carlos?"

Zambrano: "Call me Big Z, baby."

Sooze: "Alright Big Z. First thing's first. What the hell is with all this crying nonsense?"

Lizzy: "Yeah. There's no crying in baseball."

Zambrano: "Well, Barrett came to me the next day [after I kicked his ass], and he apologized and I apologized to him... and we cried."

Sooze: "Umm. I'm sorry, are you crying right now?"

Zambrano: "I still love him."

awkward silence

Zambrano: "Can I get a tissue?"

Sooze: "Would you like a tampon?"

Lizzy: "Oh, God. What is this - an episode of Grey's Anatomy? I can't take it any more."

Zambrano: "I told you I didn't want to talk about that."

Sooze: "I dont know about you Lizzy, but I like my hurlers tough-as-nails. There's no crying after a beatdown. It's simply unacceptable."

Lizzy: "Yeah, I think we're probably done here. Thanks for the memories, Big Z."

[actual quotes]

[Blown Coverage]