Chris Colabello Has Career Day for Twins

What a day for Chris Colabello.

The Minnesota Twins first baseman had a career-high six RBIs Thursday, including two big doubles in his team's 10-9 win over the Chicago White Sox.

Something tells me that even though it was a bitter 37-degree afternoon at U.S. Cellular Field, the weather wasn't bothering him, considering he could be in Korea right now.

Colabello's three-run double in the third inning gave the Twins a 3-1 lead before he smoked his second two-bagger in the fifth, again off Jose Quintana, to make it 5-1. The 30-year-old added an RBI groundout in the seventh for good measure, probably because he just didn't want to show off.

However, it was the young Venezuelan Oswaldo Arcia who hit the go-ahead triple in the ninth inning to avoid a season-opening sweep and make all of Colabello's effort worth it. Way to go buddy! Former New York Yankees punching bag Phil Hughes snagged the victory in his Minnesota debut while Glen Perkins picked up his first save of the season after blowing it the day before in extra innings.

The Twins head to Cleveland to take on the Indians this weekend in a three-game series where manager Ron Gardenhire hopes to earn his 1,000th career victory.

[Sports Wire]

Let's Get Denarded In Here

Check out Sooze wearing that sweet Let's Get Denarded t-shirt by the fabulous t-shirt makers DiamondCentric Apparel. There's even a no. 2 on the back.

This could quite possibly be the best way to celebrate the badassery of Minnesota Twins center fielder Denard Span.

We know you want one.

All you have to do is leave a comment about what you would do while wearing this shirt, and we'll pick the most creative one tomorrow night. Go.

[Let's Get Denarded T-shirt]

Kent Hrbek: The Big Hrbowski

Pretty sure the Twins might need some Hrbowski-type magic this season.

Season Previews: Minnesota Twins

With Opening Day upon us, we're finally getting around to wrapping up our Season Previews. Five years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. As our final preview of the 2012 season, and polishing off our preview of the American League Central, let's check out the Minnesota Twins.

Pavano's mustache
Duensing and Liriano
Also Nick Blackburn

Capps is the closer
Hendriks is Australian
Perkins in the pen

Jason Kubel's gone
Michael Cuddyer left too
Along with Nathan

Willingham in left
He signed a three-year deal
Revere plays in right

Span in center field
He bowls for charity and
Bats left-handed too

Mauer at the plate
See if he can stay healthy
Or Doumit will catch

Jason Kubel Joins Arizona Diamondbacks for Two Years, $15 Million

Jason Kubel has left Target Field for Chase Field, signing with the Arizona Diamondbacks on Monday for two years, $15 million. This is a nice little raise for Kubes, who made just $5.25 million last season with the Minnesota Twins.

The hard-hitting outfielder, who will now play alongside center fielder Chris Young and right fielder Justin Upton, has spent all seven of his big league seasons in Minnesota. He batted .273 with 12 home runs and 58 RBI in 99 games last year as an outfielder and designated hitter, but was limited by left foot sprain, just one of many long trips to the disabled list over his career. Regardless of his being rather injury prone, he was still a fan favorite in Minnesota.

Kubel, a career .271 hitter who will turn 30 next month, should fair well in Arizona's hitter-friendly ballpark and add some depth to their outfield rotation. Especially when he's healthy. He's expected to be the Diamondbacks' everyday left fielder, effectively replacing Gerardo Parra, while also doing some work at the infield corners.

While Parra is much better defensively -- actually he's rather outstanding and won a Gold Glove at the position last season -- I guess Kubel's left-handed bat might have a little more pop in the long run. Again, when he's healthy.

[ESPN]

Michael Cuddyer's Dimples Joins Colorado Rockies for 3 Years, $30 Million

A day after the Minnesota Twins signed free agent outfielder Josh Willingham to a three-year deal, Michael Cuddyer has made his decision. He's leaving Minnesota after 15 years in the organization to play for the Colorado Rockies.

The two sides agreed to a three-year, $31.5 million contract Friday, bringing a veteran bat to the lineup and a cannon of an arm to the outfield. Seriously, no one runs on Michael Cuddyer, and if they do, they are sorely mistaken. And out. A first time All-Star in 2011, the right fielder hit .284 with 20 home runs and 70 RBI last season, and had a .988 fielding percentage.

Josh Willingham Passes Physical, Joins Minnesota Twins for 3 Years, $21 Million

The Minnesota Twins have finalized their contract with free agent Josh Willingham, signing him to a three-year, $21 million deal on Thursday.

This plugs a nice gaping hole in the Twins outfield since they made the unbelievably brilliant move of trading Delmon Young to the Detroit Tigers last season. Furthermore, Michael Cuddyer can't make up his mind on whether to stay or go, so the team decided to take action.

Man, he looks serious in that photo. It's nice to see Willingham preparing himself for another sub-.500 season with another craptastic ball club.

The 32-year-old outfielder is expected to add some power to the middle of the lineup after batting .246 with a career-high 29 homers and 98 RBI for the Oakland Athletics last season. Ah, contract years.

Willingham is more or less the exact same player as Cuddyer, who the Twins can pretty much kiss goodbye after this signing... This is a shame for Twins fans and mildly exciting for whichever team's faithful get to cheer on his dimples next season. Adorable.

Also, Josh Willingham is damn sexy, so there's that.

[ESPN]

Joe Mauer is Going to Get Married... not to Us

Congratulations to Joe Mauer and his fiance Maddie Bisanz.

While some female (and male) Minnesota Twins fans may be incredibly devastated by the recent news of Minnesota's #1 bachelor being taken off the market, we are hoping Mauer's weekend engagement will fuel a comeback to the Man Muscles we know and love.

The Man Muscles who owns three batting titles and swings a bat like he means it. The Man Muscles who isn't a total pansyass and will help the Twins crawl out of the basement.

...Maddie Mauer? Adorable.

We've heard that soon-to-be or recently wed players are at their best. We're not sure whether we buy that or not, but it sure would be sweet for fantasy baseball owners of Mauer next season. By the way, here was our initial reaction to the news via Twitter.

Minnesota Twins Trade Kevin Slowey to Colorado Rockies, Where He'll Suck

For the record, we love Kevin Slowey. Upon meeting him a few times and "interviewing him" -- using that term loosely since we all but groped him -- we will definitely miss his adorable face and unbecoming haircut at Minnesota Twins events next season.

After shopping him pretty much all season long, the club finally traded the right-hander to the Colorado Rockies for some crappy player to be named later at the winter meetings in Dallas this morning.

Minnesota Twins Give Matt Capps One-Year Deal, We LOL

Well, it's not so much that we laughed out loud... it was more like a disgusted groan. Out loud. Then we chuckled at the absolute stupidity of the deal, and our rash belief that Terry Ryan was going to do anything to point the Minnesota Twins in the opposite direction of bad decisions.

Those feelings were the aftermath of the news that the club has re-signed that fat, save-blowing sucktard Matt Capps to a one-year deal for $4.75 million. DOLLARS. Apparently they were feeling generous and even threw in a club option for 2013.

We understand Joe Nathan's are some big shoes to fill. At least they used to be. But Capps? MATT CAPPS? Haven't we been through this already? Guess not. Ryan has been quoted as saying he thinks "Capps will bounce back," which we agree with. That's what chubsters do: they bounce.

Also, Capps is not familiar with striking people out: he fanned just 34 batters in 65.2 innings last season on top of his unacceptable 4.25 ERA.

/face palm

[Hardball Talk]

Texas Rangers Sign Joe Nathan, Neftali Feliz Moves to Starting Rotation

Why the hell would the Texas Rangers need a closer when they already have Neftali Feliz, you ask? Well, because apparently Feliz can do what he does for like six or seven innings in a row.

While the Rangers closer will finally be making his dream move to the starting rotation, Joe Nathan will be taking over closing duties in Arlington after leaving the Minnesota Twins via free agency for a two-year contract worth $15 million, including a club option for 2014. The day before his 37th birthday.

Jim Thome Signs One-Year Deal to Mash More Taters with the Philadelphia Phillies

It looks like Jim Thome has a little gas left in the tank after all.

The 41-year-old designated hitter signed on with the Philadelphia Phillies on Friday for one last season to the tune of $1.25 million, his second reunion with a former team after leaving the Minnesota Twins last season in August to end the year with the Cleveland Indians, the club he began his career with in 1991. Of course, he must pass a physical first.

Jim Jam joined the 600 Home Run Club this season with the Twins, but that group of sucktards was not going to get him anywhere near a World Series, the only thing missing from his illustrious two-decade Hall of Fame career.

Thome played in Philadelphia from 2003-05, and has remained buddies with Phillies manager Charlie Manuel, who was his hitting coach back in Cleveland. In fact, he refers to Chawley as his "second father."

Minnesota Twins Decline Option on Joe Nathan, in the Market for a Closer Yet Again

After declining a $12.5 million option on Joe Nathan’s contract Tuesday afternoon and handing him a $2 million buyout, the Minnesota Twins are in the market for a closer. Again.

The right-handed closer was on the comeback trail from Tommy John surgery in 2011, but struggled to locate his fastball and slider, blowing a couple of saves to end last April with a 10.00 ERA. He was replaced by a carousel of closers, including free agent Matt Capps, who sucks at pitching, by the way.

Nathan, who will turn 37 next month, took the hill only for mop-up duty until he landed on the disabled list in May with recurring elbow soreness. He made a comeback in late June and took the struggling Capps' place in mid-July, blowing just three saves in 17 chances with a 4.84 second-half ERA. He holds the Twins all-time saves record with 260.

We've always loved Joe Nathan, as you can tell by this interview we did with him back in May of last season. We'll miss seeing him shut things down here in Minnesota if he doesn't get re-signed, as general manager Bill Smith has said the team would love to do... just not for $12.5 million.

[Star Tribune]

Joe Mauer Makes Half-Second Cameo for Sony's Long Live Play Campaign

I know it's been a while since we've mentioned Joe Mauer's name around here... it's kind of been a giant sore spot for us this year. But we couldn't help ourselves when our buddy Scott sent us this video via Facebook.

Behold, the guy formerly known as "Man Muscles" making an appearance in Sony's Long Live Play video spot. If you blink, you'll totally miss him. Kind of like this season.

Mariano Rivera is the New All-Time MLB Saves Leader

After pitching a perfect ninth inning, Mariano Rivera stood on the mound at Yankees Stadium and blew a kiss to the cheering crowd of 40,045 fans -- the smallest in the stadium's three year history.

Rivera, shutting the door on his New York Yankees’ 6-4 win over the Minnesota Twins, became the new all-time saves leader after recording his 602nd career save on Monday. The 41-year-old closer put down Trevor Plouffe, Michael Cuddyer, and Chris Parmelee in order to snap Trevor Hoffman’s mark set before his retirement last season.

Sooze Gives the Minnesota Twins a Detention Lecture

Before we fly off the handle, we'd like to direct you to Sooze's guest post on Big League Stew -- a Detention Lecture given to the Minnesota Twins.

What a difference a year can make; the Minnesota Twins have gone from first to worst in a matter of one season. At a dismal 30 games under .500 with a roster chock-full of players few fans recognize, the defending American League Central champions have a lot of work to do this offseason.

Red Hot Detroit Tigers on their Way to October

The Minnesota Twins failed miserably at playing the spoiler Saturday night when Brandon Inge nailed a game-ending home run to give his Detroit Tigers the 3-2 victory and a -- advantage in the American League Central. With two out in the bottom of the ninth, the -- -hit a 2-1 --- from Glen Perkins into the left field stands.

Although it was a dramatic and exciting moment for Inge, he was humble and humorous:

"Trust me, if I could do that on command, I wouldn’t be hitting .194."

Saturday's win lowered the Tigers' magic number to nine over the Chicago White Sox and eight over the Cleveland Indians... and like 24 over the reigning ALC champion Twins.

Make Up Facts About Joe Mauer, Win Cool Stuff

That picture is ridiculous. Who does this guy think he is, Tony La Russa?

Anytime Fitness is running a campaign involving one of their spokesmen, and one of our favorite guys in the whole world, Joe Mauer. The deal is, you make up a random "fact" about Joe Mauer, submit it in their comments section, and voilà. You're entered for a chance to win some sweet Mauer Memorabilia. Not a bad deal at all.

Some of our favorites include:

Delmon Young Hits Homer in First Tigers At Bat

Former Minnesota Twins left fielder Delmon Young, who was traded to the Detroit Tigers Monday afternoon for a couple minor leaguers, had a pretty nice start to the career with his new team.

Hitting in the no. 3 spot, he jacked a first-inning solo shot off former teammate and friend Francisco Liriano. This, after going yard just four times with the Twins all season.

Jim Thome Crushes Career Homers No. 599 and 600

To celebrate our buddy Jimmers' 600th career longball, which he mashed into tater salad Monday night in the seventh inning of his Minnesota Twins' 9-6 win over the Tigers in Detroit, we decided to be lazy as hell and just link to some of our favorite WordUpThome-related Dugouts. Mainly because we already detailed what an amazing accomplishment it is like two homers ago. Enjoy.

AL Central Folklore

The Upper Deck

A-Rod's Violent Gambling Parties