Kent Hrbek: The Big Hrbowski

Pretty sure the Twins might need some Hrbowski-type magic this season.

Joe Mauer is Going to Get Married... not to Us

Congratulations to Joe Mauer and his fiance Maddie Bisanz.

While some female (and male) Minnesota Twins fans may be incredibly devastated by the recent news of Minnesota's #1 bachelor being taken off the market, we are hoping Mauer's weekend engagement will fuel a comeback to the Man Muscles we know and love.

The Man Muscles who owns three batting titles and swings a bat like he means it. The Man Muscles who isn't a total pansyass and will help the Twins crawl out of the basement.

...Maddie Mauer? Adorable.

We've heard that soon-to-be or recently wed players are at their best. We're not sure whether we buy that or not, but it sure would be sweet for fantasy baseball owners of Mauer next season. By the way, here was our initial reaction to the news via Twitter.

Top Ten Things Babes Love Baseball is Thankful for in 2011

We're thankful for so many things. Baseball, beer, and shoes being the three most important, obviously. Oh, and family of course... but there are so many baseball-related things to be grateful for that we felt the need to compile a list and share it with all of you. No, Joe Mauer is not one of them. He's disappointed us to no end this season and really, we'd rather not talk about it. Wouldn't want him to land on the DL with hurt feelings.

10. A nice hot stove. Although Marea's favorite NFL team sucks ass this season, Sooze's is doing quite well. The best actually. But there have been other MLB offseasons in which football has not gotten us through the winter. Not even close. And it's because of the NFL's blatant disregard for happiness that we are incredibly thankful for MLB Network. Best. Channel. Ever.

9. The Dugout: The Official Chatroom of Major League Baseball. If you haven't read one of these little gems, you are totally missing out. In fact, we're disgusted with you. Just click the link.

8. Players like C.J. Wilson. Without guys like him to make fun of, this blog would be boring as hell and we probably would've given up a long time ago. Thanks, buddy.

7. The Youtubes. Thank you to all you nerds out there who tirelessly post videos of protected content that you know MLB will be taking down in just a matter of time. We enjoy them while we can.

Bud Norris Calls Out Brian Wilson for Stupid Taco Bell Commercial

Houston Astros pitcher Bud Norris, who has reason enough to dislike Brian Wilson's antics (his team sucks and Wilson pitches for an NL rival who totally won the World Series last season) has called out the San Francisco Giants closer on Twitter.

Norris made it clear in English and Spanish that he has nothing against B-Weezy or whatever he calls himself these days, but that his commercials pretty much suck. We tend to agree wholeheartedly. Maybe he can call out Joe Mauer next... he can choose from ads such as Head & Shoulders, Gatorade, Pepsi, Kemps, and of course, Sony Playstion.

Joe Mauer Makes Half-Second Cameo for Sony's Long Live Play Campaign

I know it's been a while since we've mentioned Joe Mauer's name around here... it's kind of been a giant sore spot for us this year. But we couldn't help ourselves when our buddy Scott sent us this video via Facebook.

Behold, the guy formerly known as "Man Muscles" making an appearance in Sony's Long Live Play video spot. If you blink, you'll totally miss him. Kind of like this season.

Make Up Facts About Joe Mauer, Win Cool Stuff

That picture is ridiculous. Who does this guy think he is, Tony La Russa?

Anytime Fitness is running a campaign involving one of their spokesmen, and one of our favorite guys in the whole world, Joe Mauer. The deal is, you make up a random "fact" about Joe Mauer, submit it in their comments section, and voilà. You're entered for a chance to win some sweet Mauer Memorabilia. Not a bad deal at all.

Some of our favorites include:

Joe Mauer May Finally Return to the Twins Thursday

Joe Mauer has played in just nine games this season since landing on the disabled list with what the Minnesota Twins called "bilateral leg weakness" in mid-April. It's no coincidence the team has sucked ass the majority of the year either, excluding their recent 8-of-10 streak, of course.

With guys like Mauer, Jason Kubel, Jim Thome, Tsuyoshi Nishioka, Denard Span, Glen Perkins, Kevin Slowey, and Joe Nathan currently on the disabled list, the 25-39 Twins have resembled a AAA team in big league uniforms. Even after their current surge, they're still 10 games behind the AL Central division-leading Cleveland Indians and Detroit Tigers.

Man Muscles plans on catching for the Class A Fort Myers Miracle on Sunday and Monday, and maybe even Tuesday before getting some batting practice off Joe Nathan on Wednesday. Manager Ron Gardenhire claims the All-Star catcher should be back in Minneapolis by Thursday.

In other Twins injury news, Nishioka will be playing with the AAA Rochester Red Wings Sunday afternoon, after rehabbing his broken leg that's kept the second baseman out of the action since April 7. Get well soon, Twins.

[Eye on Baseball]

Happy Birthday Man Muscles!

Happy 28th Birthday, Joe Mauer. Get well soon, and take care of those sexy legs.

P.S. Happy Birthday to Troy Polamalu as well, who turns the Big 30 as he shares this special day (and his shampoo) with Man Muscles.

We Interviewed Joe Mauer (And Didn't Die of Elation)

Sooze and I have never made our infatuation with Joe Mauer a secret. In fact, it was our deep rooted love of Man Muscles that landed us a brief interview with him. No, I'm not lying. If you'll recall, a couple of weeks ago, we told you about the Kemps contest where Joe and our future mother in law his mom Teresa were choosing the biggest Mauer "Fan"ily to get to watch the shoot of Joe and Teresa's newest Kemps Ice Cream commercial.

We went behind the scenes today and got to meet the lucky (and adorable!) family, David and Kathy DeGear and their four beautiful children, who won the contest AND got to ask Joe and Mama Mauer a few questions. Without further ado, we bring you the best five minutes of our lives. Enjoy!

Babes Love Baseball: Let's start with one for both of you. How did you pick the winners of the biggest "Fan"ily contest?

Teresa Mauer: [To Joe] Oooh, he's gonna throw me under the bus, aren't you?

Joe Mauer: No, actually, you [To Teresa] pretty much picked it. And she did a great job doing it.

Teresa Mauer: It was hard! There were a lot of great families that sent in. But the bottom line, the one thing that stood out was that they were not only Joe fans, but also Twins fans.

BLB: They were really cute!

TM: They were. Great family.

BLB: [To Joe] Does it kind of creep you out a little bit that there are so many people obsessed with you? And my [Marea's] son's middle name is Joseph, after you, so I'll admit that I'm not exempt from this question.

Joe Mauer and Troy Polamalu: Super Pretty Hair

There are two or three things we know for sure about Joe Mauer and Troy Polamalu, and one of them is that they both have very nice hair. Enjoy.

[We Want to Shampoo Joe Mauer's Hair]

Joe Mauer, Kemps, and... YOU?

Hey BLB readers!

You know that there are very few people in this world that Sooze and I love and adore more than Joe Man Muscles Mauer himself. Are you as obsessed with him as we are? While the answer to that question is probably not, if you are close, then this may be your lucky day.

Kemps, along with Joe and Teresa Mauer are looking for the ultimate Mauer "Fan'ily" in Minnesota. There is a new Facebook contest in which the winning family gets a behind-the-scenes look at the Mauer’s latest Kemps commercial shoot and an ice cream social with Joe and Mama Mauer.

Is There Anything Joe Mauer Can't Do?

So if you dig fine art or campin' in a sweet state park... Check out the Minnesota Twins hometown hero taking a crack at singing in this Explore Minnesota ad. Adorable.

[612 Sports]

Well Played Mauer

Joe Mauer is so amazing that he is donning the cover of MLB 11: The Show. Yes, it's Sexytime for a second consecutive season.

Also, he has nice hair.

We Want to Shampoo Joe Mauer's Hair

By now, you've heard about Joe Mauer's new gig as a pitchman for Head & Shoulders. He's no Troy Polamalu, but damn those sideburns are nice.

Here's a behind-the-scenes look at the Head & Shoulders commercial shoot as well as an interview with Man Muscles himself. It's Sexytime.

[FOX Sports]

This One is for the Ladies

This one goes out to all of our female readers, and anyone else who enjoys objectifying ballplayers, of course.

Be patient: due to it's awesomeness, this video may take a few seconds to load. Just refresh the page if you can't keep your pants on. Happy Holidays!

Joe Mauer Only Struck Out Once in High School

Joe Mauer may not have pulled anything fancy during the All-Star game Tuesday night, but he was a huge hit in this interview with Ken Rosenthal.

Wait, what? That's Kid Pitch reporter Eugene? My mistake...

(Thanks Shannon!)

[Kid Pitch] | [Kid Pitch on Twitter]

Happy Birthday Man Muscles!

Happy 27th birthday, Joe Mauer. We love you. A lot.

Balls for Charity... and Plaques

Our buddy John Bonnes of Twins Geek passed along this press release with the hopes that some of the Minnesota Twins fans who read BLB may be as interested in this as we are...

To celebrate the Inaugural Season of Target Field as well as to raise awareness and money for the Make-A-Wish Foundation® of Minnesota, which grants wishes to children with life-threatening medical conditions, Nikco Sports will be donating two unique pieces of Twins history...

"A limited edition baseball featuring a stunning color photo of the new Target Field on one of the panels, and important historic information printed on the other panels, along with the official Inaugural Season logo is being produced to commemorate the first game at the new ballpark on April 12. Only 5,000 baseballs will be made, priced at $39.95, and each comes with a handsome acrylic display case. From each sale, $4 will go to the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Minnesota.

Man Muscles is Rich

Joe Mauer has finally agreed to a contract extension with the Twins. All is right again in Minnesota.

The 26-year-old All-Star catcher inked a $184 million, eight-year contract Monday at a news conference in the Twins' spring training home of Fort Myers, Fla. Interestingly, he used the same pen he signed his rookie contract with in 2001 as the No. 1 pick in the draft right out of St. Paul's Cretin-Derham Hall High School.

Banning Maple Bats Means the Unfortunate End of Xtreme Baseball Watching

Seriously, how many more eyes need to get poked out before Major League Baseball just bans maple bats all together? Look at those terrified fans to your left, splintered shards of wood hurling toward them at a dizzying pace. It’s quite hilarious alarming.

Then again, you should always be aware of your surroundings when at a baseball game. Not only could a maple bat split in half and fly into the stands to impale you or a loved one, but there is also a risk of foul balls and home runs smoking you in the head when you’re innocently flagging down the beer vendor.

Yes, maple bats have been providing endless excitement for casual fan for many years now.

Continue reading and comment on this story at SportsUntapped.

Speaking of bats hitting baseballs and smashing into pieces due to unadulterated badassery, here is Joe Mauer's new MLB 10: The Show commercial. It's awesome, obviously.