Banning Maple Bats Means the Unfortunate End of Xtreme Baseball Watching

Seriously, how many more eyes need to get poked out before Major League Baseball just bans maple bats all together? Look at those terrified fans to your left, splintered shards of wood hurling toward them at a dizzying pace. It’s quite hilarious alarming.

Then again, you should always be aware of your surroundings when at a baseball game. Not only could a maple bat split in half and fly into the stands to impale you or a loved one, but there is also a risk of foul balls and home runs smoking you in the head when you’re innocently flagging down the beer vendor.

Yes, maple bats have been providing endless excitement for casual fan for many years now.

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Speaking of bats hitting baseballs and smashing into pieces due to unadulterated badassery, here is Joe Mauer's new MLB 10: The Show commercial. It's awesome, obviously.

Stephen Strasburg: Seat Filler

Normally, little more than 50 folks show up to watch the Washington Nationals’ first practice at Space Coast Stadium. Yesterday, roughly 150 people were in attendance.

This past Sunday, Florida residents and vacationers flocked to see no one but last June’s No. 1 draft pick, Stephen Strasburg, in action. During the nine-minute session, the former San Diego State right-hander threw 37 pitches, showing off his repertoire of four-seam fastballs, two-seamers, a slider/curveball mix and a changeup. Following his bullpen session, he worked on covering first base and even practiced a little bunting.

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Cubs: The Riot Last Loser in Arbitration

The eighth and final player entered arbitration Friday and the panel of arbitrators wasted no time declaring their decision right away on Saturday.

With the Chicago Cubs beating Ryan Theriot, he’ll earn $2.6 million this season rather than the $3.4 million he requested. The shortstop, who made just $500,000 last season, batted .284 with seven home runs, 54 RBIs and 21 steals in 30 tries.

I like the way Theriot handled this. It reminds me of that old trick from high school: You need $10 for gas (okay, gas was a lot cheaper when I was in high school) so you ask Dad for $20. Instead of parting with a twenty, he tells you to get a god damn job and hands you a $10 bill instead. Dad thinks he’s taught you a lesson, and you have the $10 you needed.

At least, I think that’s what Theriot was trying to...

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MLB: Leave Your Guns At Home

A few professional athletes have ruined all the fun for everyone. Thanks to Gilbert Arenas playing gangster and Plaxico Burress not knowing how to handle a weapon, Major League Baseball has banned guns in all of their clubhouses.

The rule includes firearms, as well as long knives and explosives. That’s right, no more bringing bombs to the ballpark. We can still bring our samurai swords though, right? I sure hope so.

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Remember When Eric Gagne Was Good?

Once upon a time, Eric Gagne was an awesome pitcher.

The goggle-brandishing righty, with his 98 mph heater and baffling 78 mph change-up was flawless back in 2003 when he won the National League Cy Young award with the Los Angeles Dodgers, converting all 55 save chances that season. These days, the only this he has going for him is the fact that he sorta looks like Seth Rogen…

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Johnny Damon is a Diva

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, the Chicago White Sox are pretty “confident” that they will be signing Johnny Damon in the near future. In fact, the newspaper quotes an anonymous team source as saying he would be “surprised if he didn’t sign” with them.

I sure hope so, because honestly, this might be the last time I ever write about him. Unless he gets busted using PEDs. Or gets caught with a hooker… anything more exciting than this OH MY GOODNESS WHO WILL SIGN JOHNNY DAMON business.

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Bruney Gets a Crappy Birthday Gift

With the hopes of earning $350,000 more than the Washington Nationals were willing to pay him, Brian Bruney let his unresolved salary case go to an arbitration hearing, and lost. On his birthday.

The 28-year-old former New York Yankees reliever, who once blamed an injured elbow on an 8-1/2 minute umpire review, was awarded $1.5 million Wednesday instead of his requested $1.85 million.

Bruney went 5-0 with a 3.92 ERA in 44 regular-season appearances for the Yankees last season, when he made $1.25 million.

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McGwire’s Rebirth, Cox’s Farewell

After what I sincerely hope is Mark McGwire’s last formal apology for using performance enhancing drugs during his playing career, the new St. Louis Cardinals hitting coach was ready to get down to business in Jupiter, Florida.

McGwire spent some time in the batting cage with hitters this afternoon before answering reporters’ tired questions regarding his past. Though he knows his mistakes may never be forgotten, he made a point to say that he hopes the issues subside soon.

Speaking of old folks and Spring Training, Bobby Cox is staring down the beginning of the end.

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Bergesen Hurt During Commercial

Being a major league baseball player has its perks. Some of those perks include something similar to celebrity-status, which the ballplayer might use to appear on television.

Such was the case for Baltimore Orioles pitcher Brad Bergesen.

The right-hander was having a ball during the filming of a commercial promoting Baltimore’s 2010 season, until he strained his throwing shoulder. Unfortunately, now he will be limited in what he can do for the first week or two after pitchers and catchers report for workouts this Thursday in Sarasota, Florida.

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Chavez Takes the Minor League Route

Endy Chavez has agreed to enter the minor leagues through a contract with the Texas Rangers, including an invitation to their spring training camp.

The outfielder is recovering from knee surgery he underwent last July and probably won’t be healed in time to start the regular season anyway.

He played in just 54 games for the Seattle Mariners last season before tearing his ACL when he collided with shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt chasing a popup in short left field on June 19th.

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Edwin Jackson, D'Backs Avoid Arbitration

Avoiding arbitration this weekend, Edwin Jackson and the Arizona Diamondbacks have agreed on a $13.35 million, two-year deal.

The right-hander went 13-9 with a 3.62 ERA over 33 starts with the Detroit Tigers last season, enjoying his first All-Star selection. He was traded away in a three-team, hot stove deal back in December that also involved Curtis Granderson becoming the new center fielder for New York Yankees.

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Winner, Winner, Milwaukee's Best Dinner

In the Milwaukee Brewers' first salary arbitration hearing in 12 years, Corey Hart has emerged victorious.

The outfielder was awarded $4.8 million by the panel of arbitrators Friday, a fairly significant raise from the $3.25 million he made last year.

Hart, who hit .260 with 12 home runs and 48 RBIs last season, was the first big league case to go to a hearing this year. Ten more players are scheduled to vie against their teams for more money throughout the week, but not all of them will be as fortunate as Hart.

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Little Timmy Gets the Big Bucks

Tim Lincecum has been given a $23 million, 2-year contract. All is right with the world.

The San Francisco Giants reached a preliminary agreement with their 25-year-old phenom just in the nic of time, as their pesky arbitration hearing (which would have been a Giant embarrassment for the club) was set for this afternoon.

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The Big Hurt is Calling It Quits

Frank Thomas is putting an end to his illustrious, 19-year career.

The former Chicago White Sox slugger will announce his retirement during a news conference set for 11 a.m. ET this Friday at U.S. Cellular Field. At that time, the team will also announce the retirement of his No. 35, which may happen this August 2 to mark the 20-year anniversary of the 41-year-old Thomas’ big league debut with the Sox.

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We recommend taking a moment to stroll down memory lane and watch this video displaying one of the Big Hurt's finer moments in Canadian broadcasting.

Johnny Damon: Tomahawk Chop?

Editor’s note: Calm down, this headline was in no way meant to be racially insensitive.

Johnny Damon, quite possibly the most eligible free agent on the market at this point, sent a text message to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution expressing interest in joining the Braves. Now, the team has offered him a one-year deal.

No amount has been reported, but it’s safe to say it might not be the $13 million he made last year in the Big Apple.

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Nationals Looking at Wang

Chien-Ming Wang, still without a big league home, will choose which team he'd like to play for within the next 10 days.

Apparently, the former New York Yankees right-hander has two or three choices. He could go pitch for the Washington Nationals or some other unidentified team, according to an anonymous source familiar with Wang's negotiations.

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Cardinals Keep Schumaker Two Years... in a Row

Skip Schumaker and the St. Louis Cardinals have avoided arbitration, agreeing to a $4.7 million, two-year contract on Monday.

The former outfielder-turned-second baseman is set to make $2 million this season and $2.7 million in 2011 in addition to possible performance bonuses which could bring the grand total to $5 million over two seasons.

Schumaker hit .303 with four home runs and 35 RBIs over 153 games last year while making the transition from the outfield to second base. This means the annual game of musical chairs at that position is over (at least until 2012) which is a breath of fresh air considering the Cards haven’t been able to hold down a pivot guy since Fernando Vina stuck around from 2000-02.

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Brian Giles Thinks He's Still Got It

Generally in the game of baseball, when men are pushing 40, it becomes time to hang up the cleats and take up golfing, fishing, or pickleball down in Florida. It's difficult to accept the natural progression of creaky bones, bad backs and sore knees, but it is what it is. They get old and have difficulty competing with scrappy 21-year-old center fielders.

Such is not the case with Brian Giles. In fact, he's pretty sure he can still hit and field a baseball at the big league level.

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Random MLB Signings

The Minnesota Twins have signed Orlando Hudson to a one-year, $5 million contract, agreeing not to offer salary arbitration next fall if he becomes a Type A free agent, which means he'd rank in the upper 20% of second basemen in the game... which could totally happen.

This move not only takes care of their second base problem (no offense, Nick Punto) it also forms a whole new pairing up the middle with spankin' new shortstop J.J. Hardy, who was acquired by the Twins early in the offseason in a trade with the Milwaukee Brewers.

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Justin Verlander: Hall of Fame Potential?

The Detroit Tigers have officially agreed to keep Justin Verlander around for five more seasons under an $80 million contract, avoiding the arbitration experience.

The staff ace could have attempted to stay healthy for the next two seasons and gone on to earn nine figures, but knew that the Motor City is where he wants to play baseball. Plus, he probably didn't want to be dealt or lost to free agency after the 2012 season.

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