This One is for the Ladies

This one goes out to all of our female readers, and anyone else who enjoys objectifying ballplayers, of course.

Be patient: due to it's awesomeness, this video may take a few seconds to load. Just refresh the page if you can't keep your pants on. Happy Holidays!

Jason Bay Could Have Been a Professional Curler

It broke my small, cold shriveled heart last winter when the Red Sox and Jason Bay couldn't seem to come to an agreement to keep Jason in the Bay State.

However, the Mets were a good option as well, as their fan base is tortured, pessimistic, and shares a blinding, irrational hatred of Princess Purplelips and the rest of those self-important taint wankers in the Bronx. If that's not a recipe for love I don't know what is.

Anywho, Bay showed up in Port St. Lucie yesterday for Spring Training, and let me just say that he charmed the PANTS OFF the occasionally angry, sometimes arrogant and always cynical New York Media. By doing what?

Pardon the drool on my keyboard but David Wright is...

TOTALLY EFFING JACKED.

The future father of my children via roofie showed up in Port St. Lucie for Mets spring training sporting some serious gun show because of his lack of offensive production last year, according to the New York Post.

Wright only hit 10 home runs last year as opposed to 33 the year before, though, that could be attributed to the fact that Citi Field, despite it's AWESOME FOOD SELECTION, is where right handed hitters go to die.

Time will only tell if Wright's offseason GTL will pay off in the confines of Citi, but by golly, I am going to very much enjoy watching.

[New York Post]

Get Well Soon David Wright

According to New York Mets manager Jerry Manuel, David Wright could possibly miss the rest of the season after getting beaned in the head by an unintentional 94 mph Matt Cain fastball in his team's 3-2 victory over the San Francisco Giants on Saturday.

The All-Star third baseman was hit just above the ear hole in the fourth inning, sending his batting helmet flying. Wright laid there for several minutes before walking off the field with some help from trainers.

David Wright Hits a Milestone

Congratulations to New York Mets third baseman David Wright, who smoked his 100th career longball Sunday.

Even though his glove has left a little to be desired so far this season -- 3 errors, including 2 on Saturday -- his bat is starting to doing the talking with 3 homers and 10 RBIs.

[Shea Nation]

Mistresses For MLB Players

Alex Rodriguez cheats on his wife. Crap, the next think you're going to tell me is that Barry Bonds stuck a needle full of cow hormones into his fanny.
So in celebration of Major League Baseball players skankbag ways, I've decided to take a handful of players and match them up with their ideal slutty celebrity equivilant.

Derek Jeter and Lindsay Lohan

Jeter is one of the few players in the league to embrace his promiscuity, never get married, and make whoopee with just about every hot woman in the world (and not so hot. Jury is still out on Mariah Carey). Lindsay Lohan is a cracked out skank in rehab. I think they'd be great together.

She Said :: She Said

Dear David,

Don't cry, big fella. It happens to a lot of men at your age. I'm not upset with you! Really, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it's not your fault. There are all kinds of medications... you can reverse the condition.

It's happens to 3 out of every 10 men in the United States, David. You're not alone.

So you're balding! So what?! You shave your head, that's what. And that's hot. You think people want to see an eventual horseshoe around that melon? Not this girl. Keep it short, pal. It makes you look tough.

You're in good company. When you think about letting it grow, just remember how bad ass Bruce Willis looks these days. Then picture him with hair. That's right. Horseshoe.

Love,
Sooze

Alright. We'll have to agree to disagree my dear.

Dear David:


Despite my allegiance to the Red Sox, given the opportunity to spend 24 hours in a room alone with you, and then forced to die, I'd absolutely take it. The things I'd do to you would put Jenna Jamison to shame. That was before you did this.


I realize you haven't been able find the broad side of a barn with the bat over the last few months and I know you're looking for any conceivable way to find a way to hit the ball. But shaving that gorgeous head of dark hair? Why would you ever, EVER do that? I have a serious, SERIOUS weakness for gorgeous, dark haired men with smiles that could melt the panties off Gloria Steinem.


Shaved heads work on some people. Guys who are seriously balding. Michael Jordan. Military men. But they don't work on 24-year-old, hot as Manhattan on the 4th of July, pure sex in a Mets uniform type guys. Now, I will be forced to stare at your ass when my office makes me endure Mets games.


Please. Grow it back. Or else I'll be forced to shift my affections to Mike Mussina.


Love,
Lizzy