New York Mets Believe Jon Rauch Will Make a Great Reliever, Hand Him $3.5 Million

When there are players demanding upwards of $200 million for a decade of service, it's hard to take tiny deals like the one the New York Mets just made with Jon Rauch seriously. In fact, it's hard to take the Mets seriously at all.

In a move meant to "bolster" their bullpen Tuesday evening, the team signed Rauch to a $3.5 million, one-year deal. This is the Mets' first move of the winter meetings, and for their sake, it's hopefully not their last. Nothing against the 6'-11" pitcher other than the fact that he's absolutely terrible and looks exactly like a crackhead.

The 33-year-old right-hander, who began last season as the Toronto Blue Jays closer, posted a 4.85 ERA in 53 relief appearances with five blown saves in 16 opportunities.

Minnesota Twins Give Matt Capps One-Year Deal, We LOL

Well, it's not so much that we laughed out loud... it was more like a disgusted groan. Out loud. Then we chuckled at the absolute stupidity of the deal, and our rash belief that Terry Ryan was going to do anything to point the Minnesota Twins in the opposite direction of bad decisions.

Those feelings were the aftermath of the news that the club has re-signed that fat, save-blowing sucktard Matt Capps to a one-year deal for $4.75 million. DOLLARS. Apparently they were feeling generous and even threw in a club option for 2013.

We understand Joe Nathan's are some big shoes to fill. At least they used to be. But Capps? MATT CAPPS? Haven't we been through this already? Guess not. Ryan has been quoted as saying he thinks "Capps will bounce back," which we agree with. That's what chubsters do: they bounce.

Also, Capps is not familiar with striking people out: he fanned just 34 batters in 65.2 innings last season on top of his unacceptable 4.25 ERA.

/face palm

[Hardball Talk]

Matt Capps Suspended for Beaning Prince Fielder

Pittsburgh Pirates reliever Matt Capps was fined and suspended four games Monday for nailing Milwaukee Brewers' first baseman Prince Fielder with a pitch during their 6-3 loss Saturday at Miller Park.

The penalty will start Tuesday unless Capps appeals.