Season Previews: Pittsburgh Pirates

It's about time to kick off one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Five years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, here is the tentative Pittsburgh Pirates forecast.

The average fan
Has never heard of these guys
So try to keep up

Andrew McCutchen
and Nate McLouth in center
Michael McKenry!

James McDonald and
Daniel McCutchen's relief
Sounds McGood to me

Neil Walker and
Clint Barmes up the middle
Garret Jones at first

Pedro Alvarez
Hit .191 last year
Wow what an athlete

Clint Barmes Gets a Sweet 2-Year Deal with Pittsburgh Pirates

The Pittsburgh Pirates have agreed to pay Clint Barmes $10.5 million to play short stop for them for the next two seasons.

To top that off, the 33-year-old middle infielder gets to reunite with his old manager Clint Hurdle, who he played under during his first seven seasons in the big leagues with the Colorado Rockies, where he enjoyed a World Series title in 2007.

Barmes hit .244 with 12 home runs and 39 RBI last season with the Houston Astros, and he couldn't get away from there fast enough. First of all, he wanted to play short, not second base. Second, he wanted to be on a team who didn't suck ass. Mission accomplished. For the Pirates, they get a sweet deal on a free agent middle infielder, since their pockets weren't even close to deep enough for Jose Reyes or Jimmy Rollins. Everybody's happy.

After releasing Ronny Cedeno, Pittsburgh was searching for someone to play up the middle with second baseman Neil Walker. It seems they've found what they were looking for in a guy who has enjoyed solid numbers at PNC Park: .276 with four homers in just 24 games over his nine-year career. Plus, he'll likely be looked to as a leader for one of the youngest teams in the game:

“The young talent that they’ve got and the season they’ve had last year, there’s a lot of promise and a lot of good things to come. It’s only getting better and I’m excited to be a part of it.”

[MLB]

Pittsburgh Pirates Clinch 19th Straight Loser Season

Angry folks riot in the streets of Los Angeles after four police officers are acquitted for the brutal beating of Rodney King.

Sinéad O'Connor rips up a photo of Pope John Paul II on Saturday Night Live in protest of alleged child abuse by the Catholic Church.

Bill Clinton is elected President of the United States.

Roseanne is the no. 1 show on television.

The year was 1992 and it was the last time the Pittsburgh Pirates enjoyed a winning season... some of you weren't even born yet.

What's that Sucking Sound? Oh, it's Just the Pirates

The Pittsburgh Pirates are on quite a roll.

After their 7-3 loss to the San Diego Padres on Sunday, they've lost ten games in a row. And it's only going to get better as the week goes on when they head to San Francisco to take on the reigning World Series Champion Giants on Monday for a three-game series. Oh, the humanity.

Speaking of suckery, Sunday's failure completed an 0-7 homestand at PNC Park against the last-place Padres and Chicago Cubs, two teams that were a combined 39 games under .500 when the week began. Those guys out-scored the Bucs 59-25 after they were swept in Philadelphia to kick off the week.

This marks the first time ever in the history of their franchise -- that's 125 years -- that they've ever gone winless on a homestand of at least seven games. In fact, no team in the big leagues has had a homestand that long without a win since Kansas City sucked ass back in May 2006.

Just terrible.

The odd thing is, the Pirates were leading their division as recently as July 26. Bizarro! Just goes to show you anything can happen in the game of baseball.

[The Associated Press]

Ladies and Gentlemen, Josh Johnson

For the second straight game, Josh Johnson was stingy on the mound.

The right-hander gave up no runs on just two hits over seven spectacular innings to help his Florida Marlins beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 6-0 Tuesday night. He struck out nine and walked one.

Johnson, whose record is now 3-0 with 17 consecutive scoreless innings under his belt, lowered his ERA to a nice, round 1.00 using his 96 mph fastball and that spankin' new curveball of his. He has allowed four hits or less in each of his four starts, with batters failing to hit better than .112 against him.

However, he has never thrown a shutout in 108 career starts. Even after going seven strong innings Tuesday, his pitch count was too high to continue at 98 pitches, with 64 for strikes. Better luck next time!

[Miami Herald]

Wear Your Favorite MLB Team on Your Booty

Victoria's Secret has released a new line of MLB apparel, but it might not include your favorite team.

Are you a Pirates, Blue Jays, Marlins, Braves, Reds, or Astros fan? Too bad. You don't get to wear sexy baseball panties... which is super lame.

I happen to know all kinds of hot ladies who are fans of the aforementioned teams. In fact, they love them so much they blog about them:

Braves Love

Hands of My Pirates Booty

Red Hot Mama

Astros-holic Synonymous

Aly Hearts Baseball

I'm disappointed, Vickie's... not that I'm boycotting. I don't think I could handle that.

Speaking of ladies, check out this young woman's journey from being "just another pink hat" to a well-educated female baseball fan. Just the way we like them.

[Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies]

Happy Trails Ian Snell

How great would it be to retire before the age of 30?

Ian Snell decided to do just that, calling it quits at age 29 after the St. Louis Cardinals sent him to the minors.

The right-hander signed a minor league deal back in January after a not-so-great 2010 season with the Seattle Mariners in which he went 0-5 with 6.41 ERA in 12 games, including eight starts.

Snell pitched in one game this Spring with the AAA Memphis Redbirds, lasting two innings and allowing two runs on March 3. He then appeared in two B-squad games, the last on Monday when he surrendered two runs in one inning against Atlanta.

Over seven big league seasons, Snell was 38-53 with a 4.80 ERA. His best season came in 2006 when he enjoyed a career-high 14 victories for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Have a nice retirement, buddy.

[Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

Season Previews: Pittsburgh Pirates

With Spring Training already underway, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Four years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, here are the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Some Pirates pitching:
Paul Maholm, Ross Ohlendorf
And James McDonald

Pedro Alvarez!
Chris Snyder behind the plate
Doumit backs him up

Overbay at first
Walker and Cedeno are
The DP Combo

Andrew McCutchen
Will roam the outfield with Jones
And Tabata too

Good news for the Bucs
Bert's a Hall of Famer now!
...Wearing a Twins hat

The Votes Are In!

After a 14 year wait, Bert Blyleven is can finally add "Hall of Famer" to his resume. Bert joins Roberto Alomar as the two 2011 Hall of Fame inductees announced earlier today. Alomar made it on his second year on the ballot with a whopping 90% of the vote, up from a frustrating 73.7% last year.

During Blyleven's 22 season career, he amassed an amazing 3,701 strikeouts, 287 wins, a 3.31 ERA, 2 All-star teams, 2 World Series rings, and a no-hitter. Despite being 13 wins shy of 300, he pitched an additional 79 quality starts in which he earned no decision. He also pitched an astounding 242 complete games. Aside from all of the numbers and stats, he may be even more well known and beloved by many for his colorful personality on and off the field, and for his post-baseball career.

Smokin' Hot Stove: Wigginton, Putz and Correia

The stove was smoldering during Day 2 of the Winter Meetings in Lake Buena Vista, Florida.

The Colorado Rockies agreed to a two-year, $8 million deal with Ty Wigginton Tuesday, according to an anonymous source close to negotiations.

The 33-year-old utility player, who is capable of playing all over the infield, earned his very first spot on the American League All-Star roster last year with the Baltimore Orioles. He hit .248 with 22 homers and 76 RBI on the season.

A day after the Arizona Diamondbacks acquired right-handed relievers David Hernandez and Kam Mickolio from the Baltimore Orioles for third baseman Mark Reynolds, J.J. Putz signed on with the team for two years and $10 million.

What's That Sucking Sound?

Oh it's just the Pittsburgh Pirates.

One good thing about the club enduring one of the crappiest seasons in 50 years? They're assured the no. 1 pick in the 2011 June amateur draft.

Well on their way to their first 100-loss season since 2001, it will be impossible to finish with a worse record than any other of the 29 teams in major league baseball. Hey, someone has to finish last.

Manager John Russell makes nice use of the word "abysmal" after his team's 100th loss:

Stephen Strasburg is an Animal

We really don't care that it was against the Pittsburgh Pirates, who some may call a sub-par team. No disrespect intended, of course. Stephen Strasburg's big league debut impressed the crap out of us.

The 21-year-old righty allowed just two runs on four hits, including a shot by Delwyn Young in the fourth, Tuesday evening at Nationals Park. The highlight? He struck out an incredible 14 batters and walked no one through 94 pitches. In fact, the young phenom fanned every single Pirates batter at least once, including the final seven he faced.

Meet Pierre the Belligerent Buccaneer

If you're unfamiliar with the guys from Nine More Outs, we're delighted to be the ones who introduce you to their hilarity.

The rest of you remember their debut Stadium Schmadium Tour where they infiltrated the Rogers Centre dressed as die hard Toronto Blue Jays fans. They entitled that afternoon of shenanigans A Game of Centimeters. Haven't seen it yet? We'll hang out here while you go laugh until you wet yourself.

Season Previews: Pittsburgh Pirates

With Spring Training underway, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Three years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, here are the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Oh Lastings Milledge
I wonder if he still raps
He's super gangstuh

McCutchen and Jones
Will join him in the outfield
Maybe Delwyn Young?

Daniel McCutchen
Is unbelievably good
Yeah we have a crush

Duke, Morton, Maholm
and Ohlendorf are starters
Dotel shuts the door

The Stadium Shmadium Tour Returns

If you remember reading about how Matt Stairs is a total hoser then laughing your ass off at A Game of Centimeters back in April, then you are undoubtedly as excited as I am for the sequel.

Stadium Shmadium Tour, Episode 2: Pittsburgh Pirates.

I pretty much can't wait until March 10, 2010.

Lincecum Lights Up the Pirates

Just when you think Little Timmy can't get much better, he strikes out a career-high fifteen batters. Of course, he was kinda bullied into it. Former San Francisco Giants teammate and all-time Home Run King Barry Bonds stopped Lincecum before the game and threatened:

Beat my old team or I’ll beat you.

Yikes.

The 25-year-old flame-throwing righty pitched a four-hitter Monday night on the heels on a crappy 3-7 road trip to bring his record to 11-3 and lower his ERA to 2.30. The team's 4-2 win over the Pittsburgh Pirates was a welcome sight, with Lincecum rebounding from a loss to the Atlanta Braves on the 22nd where he was roughed up over five innings for four runs on seven hits with two walks. Nevertheless, he struck out nine that game.

Julio Lugo: What Took So Long?

There are some players that teams just seem to hang on to for no good reason, for far too long. Julio Lugo was that guy for the Boston Red Sox.

But a day after falling out of first place in the American League East, the team finally got rid of him and added a little depth to their roster. Lugo, who signed a free agent contract worth $36 million for four-years before the 2007 season, was designated for assignment Friday, but is still owed $13 million through next season.

Live and learn.

Mr. T Pities the Pirates

After throwing out the ceremonial first pitch Monday when the Pittsburgh Pirates faced the Chicago Cubs, Mr. T belted out Take Me Out to the Ballgame during the seventh inning stretch. Quite possibly the angriest version I have ever heard. Also? Nice pants.

[Total Pro Sports] | [Agony Booth] | [Designated Hitter]

The Yovani Gallardo Show

Now that I've sobered up (kinda) from my super funtastic live-blogging experience over at the incomparable Walkoff Walk, where I only blew the internet up one time, which hardly anyone even noticed, and only had one beer per Johan Santana strikeout, it's time to talk about the awesomeness that is Yovani Gallardo.

We're Not Hopping Off Yet!

No way. One loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates isn't going to make us ditch the Florida Marlins bandwagon just yet.

They headed into Monday night's contest with baseball's best record at 11-1, coming off three straight come-from-behind victories. This time, they fell behind 1-0 in the first inning and never gained the lead to suffer their first loss (by a score of 8-0) in seven road games. Still, not bad.

Marlins starter Andrew Miller, placed on the disabled list with a right oblique strain after the loss, gave up four runs in 4 2/3 innings.

Pirates righty Ross Ohlendorf discovered his slider, allowing just two hits over seven solid innings to give Pittsburgh their third shutout in four games. With four blankings, the team already has double the shutouts as they did last season. Nate McLouth drove in four runs to bring his team's record to 7-6.

[Florida Marlins Forum] | [Josh Q. Public] | [Big Red Egg]