Manny Ramirez Seeks Reinstatement, Ban Cut to 50 Games... Sort Of

Just admit it already. You miss Manny Ramirez and his shenanigans.

The silly former outfielder begged to be reinstated once again this weekend while his suspension for a second failed drug test was cut from 100 games to 50 since he sat out nearly all of last season. Having already suffered through a 50-game ban for violating baseball’s drug agreement back in 2009, he was supposed to serve a 100-game suspension last spring for being a complete idiot and committing a second offense. Rather than endure the penalty, he told the commissioner’s office he was quitting baseball last April.

Anyway, Manny asked to be reinstated back in September when he realized he was banned from Winter Ball in the Dominican Republic, but that apparently that didn't get him anywhere. However, Commissioner Bud Selig is all about it this time, announcing in a statement that "as a condition of his reinstatement, Ramirez will be required to resolve his outstanding violation."

Ramirez will turn 40 in May, so I'm not sure what business he even has being reinstated. Maybe he just wanted to clear his name after that whole arrest thing in September on a domestic battery charge involving his wife. Dick.

The suspension would begin with the first game he is eligible to play, making it more of a 206-game suspension if you count the final 156 games of 2011 plus the first 50 of 2012. All he needs to do is get signed. Miami, anyone?

[SB Nation]

Manny Ramirez: Happy Trails, Dumbass

We've known for years that Tampa Bay's designated hitter Manny Ramirez was his own special brand of stupid. Former teammates have likened him to cancer. He's made some ridiculously stupid comments. Love him or hate him, it's still big news that our favorite butterfly chasing dumbass retired today after 19 seasons.

Manny missed Thursday's game with what was called a "family issue". He was expected to return to the lineup on Friday, but the issue turned out to be what the commissioner's office called "an issue under Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program". Oops.

Manny apparently failed a drug test by testing positive for a banned substance during spring training. He didn't bother to appeal the positive test. Rather than face a suspension of 100 games, Ramirez decided instead to hang it up for good. Should he decide in the future to rejoin the Rays (or whatever team would actually put up with him), he would still be required to face disciplinary action for the failed test. I'm willing to bet that Roy Oswalt's neck is wishing Manny had made this decision a few weeks ago.

Manny Hurts Himself, Donates Porsche

Manny Ramirez is scheduled to get an MRI on his injured right hamstring today, a day off for his Los Angeles Dodgers.

The wacky left fielder, who spent 15 days on the disabled list from April 23 until May 8, hurt himself in the first inning of Tuesday night's 4-2 victory over the San Francisco Giants rounding second. He stopped and dashed back to the bag, his foot making contact with shortstop Edgar Renteria's glove, which made the ball pop out for a safe call.

Let the Bidding War Begin!

Watch out, American League. Manny wants to be Manny with you again. Maybe.

Entering into the second year of his two year contract with the LA Dodgers, Manny Ramirez said this would be his last year with the club. Will he retire? Will he keep playing? Will he try to be the first man in history to have a baby after his womens infertility treatments?

Welcome to Mannywood

More disturbing than Joe Mauer Sideburns Night at the Dome.

[Deadspin] | [Jorge Says No!]

Have a great weekend... See ya Monday!

Possible Careers for Manny Ramirez

Manny Ramirez is an idiot.

Hopefully we all can agree on that statement. He's shown us with his actions and made it clear with the words flying out of his stupid head: the ones that obviously don't make a pit-stop in his brain before they spill out of his mouth.

Continue reading this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Manny Needs to be Bitch-Slapped

Manny Ramirez says he doesn't want to be a distraction, yet he keeps opening his stupid mouth.

The Los Angeles Dodgers borderline brain-dead slugger hung out with a few reporters Tuesday and discussed his future in baseball. When asked about his recent 50-game suspension, he had this to say...

"That's in the past. Whatever happened, that's in the past and I'm coming to play my game and move on. I don't want to be a distraction for this team."

Oh, but that's not all. He went on to trivialize his actions, create a distraction, and seriously piss me off all at the same time.

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it. I'm just going to come and play the game."

Forgive me for being incredibly offended, but to compare unforgivable deeds such as rape and murder to cheating at baseball is just plain asinine.

Manny, you can go ahead and stop talking anytime now.

Update: The Commissioner's Office called to remind the Dodgers today that Manny is not allowed in the clubhouse while reporters are around, and that it's likely not a good idea to have him visit at all until his suspension ends on July 2nd.

[FOX Sports] | [Walkoff Walk] | [FanHouse]

Manny Being Manny.. and Being Really Stupid

Dear Manny,

We kinda figured there was something going on. Joe Torre, Alyssa Milano, and anyone with the hopes of the Dodgers doing well this year are going to be disappointed in you when they lose 45 of their next 50 games.

Signed,

BLB

[ESPN] | [LA Times]

Chin Music for Manny

Apparently, Manny Ramirez's hamstring isn't too sore to try his hand at cricket. So if you're Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt, does this tick you off? Well, $45 million says it might, and probably should.

The always-entertaining left fielder went to a park in Gilbert, Arizona for a photo op to have some fun and promote DIRECTV's "Cricket Ticket" package with Australian cricket star Shaun Marsh. Of course, he ended up taking some shanks as well.

Continue reading this story on Fantasy Pros 911.

Holy Crap That's a Lot of Dough

It looks like Manny Ramirez will keep chasing butterflies in the outfield for at least one more season.

The 12-time All-Star and the Los Angeles Dodgers have (finally) reached a preliminary agreement on a $45 million, two-year contract following months and months of negotiations (i.e. Manny and his superagent Scott Boras not agreeing to anything the Dodgers threw out there.)

Ramirez, who will turn 37 in May, aided in the Dodgers' 2008 NL West pennant by batting .396 with 17 homers and 53 RBIs over 53 regular season games. He hit .520 in the postseason with four homers, 10 RBIs, and 11 walks in 8 games.

The fickle outfielder will receive $25 million this year and has until this November to decide whether to stay for the second season, which calls for $20 million. That's 9 months, Manny. Take your time.

[LA Times] | [MLB Fanhouse] | [Deadspin]

Manny Ramirez Involved in a 3-Way

Now that Lizzy has said her goodbyes, Manny Ramirez has been traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers in a three-team swap that also sent Jason Bay from the Pittsburgh Pirates to Beantown. The second-place Dodgers also got some cash outa the deal, so that's pretty sweet for them.

My Breakup Letter to Manny Ramirez

Dear Manny,

Let me preface this by saying that watching you play (and act like a total 'tard) has been the highlight of Red Sox baseball for me over the last seven years. The peeing in the monster, running out to left field with a water bottle in your pocket...and my ultimate favorite, Mannyism, which you said on one of the greatest nights of my life, and what I want etched on my headstone someday: "I don't believe in no curses. I believe you make your own destination."

Destination, indeed. You're funny, you're freakishly talented. You have a swing that I'll be tellling my children about someday. The highfive to the fan in Baltimore to complete the double play. God, Manny, this hurts me more than it hurts you.

But I'm sorry dude. It's time to part ways.

500 Reasons to Love Manny Ramirez

The 59% of you who voted Manny Ramirez as the first player to reach their respective milestone in a recent poll of ours, congratulations.

Congrats also goes out to Manny, who accomplished a feat that only 23 others have, smoking career homer #500 on the first pitch he saw from former teammate Chad Bradford in the seventh inning, sending it sailing into the right-center field seats.

As a bonus, it gave the Red Sox a 5-3 lead over the Baltimore Orioles.

SOX & Dawgs has the video!

Fun With Polls: Milestones

As you may or may not have noticed to your left or right, we're helping three very awesome veterans count down to three very awesome numbers.

Ken Griffey Jr., Manny Ramirez and Chipper Jones are all just 2 longballs away from career homers 600, 500 and 400, respectively.

So, we want to know who you think will hit the big one first?

• 
  Ken Griffey Jr.
• 
  Manny Ramirez
• 
  Chipper Jones

view results

Manny Being Manny Being Awesome

The absolutely ridiculous chain of events you are about to see went down during the Boston Red Sox 6-3 loss to the Baltimore Orioles Wednesday afternoon.

On the hunt for career homer #500, Manny Ramirez remains undistracted. He flashed some leather at Camden to rob former teammate Kevin Millar of an extra base hit before high-fiving a fan on his way down, planting, and nailing cutoff man Dustin Pedroia, who relayed to Kevin Youkilis at first to get Aubrey Huff for an inning-ending double play.

Bad. Ass.

Check out an interview with the high-fivee here at A Lost Ogle and Baseball Tonight's Manny Moments on Awful Announcing.

[MLB]

Oh How The Red Sox Make Us Laugh

So last night's Yankees/Red Sox game was an ass-kicking. A pounding that I happened to be in attendance for.

Rather than spend an entire post sucking the Yankees' lollipops (cue the "They won a game. Big deal." comments), I'll just provide you with some of the comedic moments the Red Sox so graciously provided for us last night.

Cue the music...

If I could ever love a Red Sox (Sock? Soc? Sok? What's the singular for Red Sox? Oh, Suck. Gotcha.)...

Swing and a foul....and a fall...

Manny being Manny...which is pretty much like Dumb being Dumber...

Many, many thanks to Intentional Foul and Awful Announcing for help in getting these clips. We who are about to laugh salute you.

Curt Schilling: Oh, My Aching Bones

The Boston Red Sox have placed Curt Schilling on the 60-day disabled list.

The veteran right-hander, who signed a one-year, $8 million contract in November, is still rehabbing his pitching shoulder, and possibly still second-guessing whether he should have opted for surgery.

In other Beantown news, the club released 37-year-old catcher Doug Mirabelli, placing him on unconditional waivers Thursday. So, who will specialize in catching Tim Wakefield's knuckleballs now?

Upon Mirabelli's absense, Manny Ramirez snatched up his secluded, more spacious locker, asap. No joke.

Check out The Blowhard's blog, 38 Pitches, for his take on the loss of Dougie.

[Baltimore Sun]

Manny, Manny, Manny

The collective nerves of Boston Red Sox fans can hardly bear the 3-1 deficit, let alone remarks from an unconcerned Manny Ramirez.

You'd think, after 14 years in the big leagues, Ramirez would know exactly what to say... which is what everyone wants to hear. Otherwise, there's flack. And who wants that?

But if you're Manny, you don't give a crap. Which is why we sorta love the guy:

"If it doesn't happen, who cares?" Ramirez shrugged Wednesday afternoon. "There's always next year. It's not like it's the end of the world."

[Life According to Baseball]

As The Trade Deadline Approaches...

For the first time in the last three years, there has been no mention of Manny Ramirez demanding a trade from Boston before the July 31st deadline. Why might this be? What makes this year different from the last few? Well, we at Babes have the exclusive, including tweaks to his contract and reasons he's decided to stay.

Loves the Boston weather during "El Nino".

5,000 Legos will be placed in his hotel room during away games.

Manny is allowed to race his remote control car up and down the aisle of the team bus, and if Curt Schilling stomps on it, he must buy Manny a new one.

Fresh Spiderman sheets on his bed every night.

Permission to pee in the Green Monster whenever he wants.

Can get his iPhone replaced any time he wants, no matter how many times he accidentally drops it in a toilet.

Never has to speak ever again, as Julian Tavarez has offered to be Manny's mouth forever. Tavarez will also serve as Manny's personal hair groomer.

Fresh bags of Funions and Swedish Fish in his locker every day, and 12 White Castle sliders on alternating Mondays and Wednesdays. 12 Chalupas with extra Guac on Tuesday and Thursday, and 5 McDonald's Happy Meals on Friday.

Will be transported to Fenway via Duck Boat.

[MLB Trade Rumors - for all your curious needs]

So While I Was In Florida...

Yes, I'm back. I realize you all missed me, but a vacation was exactly what I needed. I spent a great deal of time consuming tequila, laying in the sun, and dancing on bars. Anyway, here's a shot of me and my sister playing grabass to tide you over.

So, while chillin' by the pool at our lovely resort in Orlando, I saw some bright orange dreads. Low and behold, its Manny Ramirez, who after staring at my breasts for 10 minutes, decided that he'd like to give the Babes the exclusive on his "Manny being Manny-ness" of this week.

Lizzy: So Manny, this grill that you put on eBay.

Manny: When I bought it, I thought it'd fit over my front teeth. I tried man, but it was too heavy. So my agent suggested I put it on eBay. I really wanted to attach it to the front of my car.

Lizzy: So how's spring training going for you?

Manny: You know, I can't figure out who this Japanese guy is on the team. I asked him if he wanted to do some bong hits with me and Ortiz but he muttered something that sounded like gyroball and walked away. That pissed me off, because if he had some gyroball he should have shared because I had the goddamn munchies.

Lizzy: So you are happy to be in Boston?

Manny: I love to pee in the Monster.

Lizzy: You still want to be traded?

Manny: Pbbbbthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (raspberry noise)

Lizzy: What about your late arrival to spring training? And the car show you were scheduled to attend.

Manny: Fuckin' Theo man. What? Who wants to watch Super Troopers?

Lizzy: Thanks for sitting down with me. I appreciate it.

Manny: Yo, you wanna smoke?