Happy Holidays!

In tradition with well, tradition here at BLB, Happy Holidays from D'Meat Hook.

Minor Leaguer Daniel Tuttle Needs to Pull Himself Together

Cincinnati Reds minor leaguer Daniel Tuttle has screwed up once again.

Just one year and ten months after being handed a 50-game suspension for his second offense under MLB's Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program, the 22-year-old right-hander's consequences have doubled for a third drug abuse violation. His 100-game benching without pay is effective immediately. Idiot.

A little statistical background on Tuttle: Selected by the Reds right out of high school in the 5th round of the First-Year Player Draft in 2009, the Randleman, North Carolina native debuted that same year in the Gulf Coast League. He went on to play for three of the club's rookie teams over his first three seasons, including the Arizona League Reds and Billings Mustangs. He made his Class-A debut with the Dayton Dragons in 2011 and managed to make it until July 19 of that year before getting busted doing drugs for a second time. He was 1-3 with a 5.08 ERA for the Dragons last season. I'm sure they will miss him lots.

Turns out he isn't the only moron in the minor leagues, though. Tuttle's was the 19th suspension handed out so far this season. And it's only May. You'd think a young kid given the opportunity to make a living playing a game and possibly earn millions of dollars doing what he loves, would take the rules a bit more seriously. What are the odds he learns a lesson this time? Maybe the third time's the charm.

Or maybe he can turn to something less athletic that requires little to no drug testing... like fishing. Or poker. He will definitely have enough time on his hands to check out the Titan Online Poker Site!

Big Time Timmy Jim Lincecum Sued for Being a Lazyass Stoner Party Animal

We've all had one of those roommates.

You know, the ones who use every dish in the house before washing any until they're eating cereal off a plate with a spatula. The kind who accidentally bust the window frame while trying to break in because they forgot their car keys in the bathroom, or knock the bong over while it's sitting on the stove and then never clean up the rancid water between the oven and the fridge so it permanently smells like ass in the kitchen...

Maybe you are that guy. Tim Lincecum totally is. Allegedly.

The Giants ace was sued Wednesday in the San Francisco Superior Court by former landlord, Mindy Freile, for allegedly causing $350,000 worth of damage to a furnished Mission District apartment that he rented. And it's not like he just left the place kind of messy.

No, no, it was [allegedly] a complete disaster. Freile claims Lincecum damaged "the bedding, doors, carpet, pillows, kitchenware, linens, furniture, lights, artwork, decorations, patio furniture, appliances and mirrors, among other things."

For crying out loud, Little Timmy. We know you like to party, but how could a mild-mannered two-time Cy Young Award winner like yourself ruin all that apparently very expensive crap? A killer party, bro. That's how.

[Huff Post San Francisco]

Jordan Schafer is High as a Kite and not as Hot as We Remember

Do you ever find some one -- let's say a professional ballplayer for, let's say, the Houston Astros -- incredibly attractive for like two seasons, just to find out that he's actually not all that great-looking?

That totally just happened to us.

Nice mug shot, Jordan Schafer. It's okay to get stoned, just try to not be so high that you get caught next time.

I mean, seriously. Smoking a joint in your Land Rover right next to a cop? So dumb. We are sorry he took your ganja peanut butter cups, however.

Not cool.

Of course, this isn't the first mentally-challenged thing Schafer has done in his life. Back in 2008 when he was just a 21-year-old pup, he took HGH like a total idiot, got caught, and was suspended for 50 minor league ballgames. I'm sensing a pattern here.

Aaaaaaand, of course there's A Hilarious Dugout to accompany the story.

[ESPN]

Happy Holidays!

Love,
D'Meat Hook

Ron Washingon Knows How to Party

Ron Washington has called his partaking in powders a "huge mistake" last season, referring to his past use of cocaine, which was made public Wednesday when Major League Baseball announced that he failed a drug test last summer.

Before apologizing for partying like a rock star, the Texas Rangers manager offered to resign as the Rangers' skipper, but team president and former badass Nolan Ryan was not having it.

"I made a huge mistake and it almost caused me to lose everything I have worked for all of my life," he said. "I am not here to make excuses. There are none."

Miguel Cabrera Feels Like a New Man

Have you been curious as to how Miguel Cabrera spent his offseason? Well, he's spent the past three months in rehab, undergoing alcohol abuse treatment in Miami, Florida.

The Detroit Tigers first baseman, who prepared for one of the most important games of the 2009 season by beating the crap out of his wife and getting hammered til 6am the night before the game, put up great numbers for the Tigers last season.

He's hands-down the best hitter on the team, and now that he's healthier, he'll only get better.

"When you've got problems, you can't hide," he said. "As a ballplayer, you do something like that and you have a problem. I want to play a lot of years and right now I feel comfortable. I feel great."

Way to go, Miggy. We're proud of you.

[Detroit Free Press] | [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]

Lincecum Pays Fine, Awaits Huge Raise

Tim Lincecum dished out $513 to the Clark County, Washington courts Tuesday to pay his fine for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, which was reduced to a civil infraction.

The charges stemmed from being busted speeding back in October when officers found a bag and a pipe in his car... shocker. The 2009 National League Cy Young Award winner had this to say regarding his court appearance...

Continue reading and comment on this story at Sports Untapped.

Tim Lincecum Won A Cy Young... On Weed Man

Update: Make that two Cy Youngs... on weed man. IN A ROW!

Surprise! Little Timmy is a stoner.

The San Francisco Giants ace was pulled over Friday going 74 mph on Interstate 5 -- where the speed limit is 60 -- near Vancouver, Washington. He was going to be cited for speeding anyway before the officer smelled pot when Little Timmy rolled down the window.

I like to imagine a huge cloud of smoke rolling out of the car, myself.

According to the state trooper who busted him, the Cy Young Award winner forked over an 1/8 bag and a pipe. He was ticketed and released, and is scheduled to be arraigned November 23 in Clark County District Court.

Umm... we all saw this one coming, right? Right. MLB odds are, we will see the obligatory "crappy role model" public apology soon.

[San Francisco Chronicle]

Josh Hamilton Likes Jesus and Whipped Cream

Incriminating photos of recovering drug addict and 2008 Home Run Derby winner hero Josh Hamilton have surfaced via Deadspin this afternoon. None of these pictures show the Texas Rangers slugger smoking crack or actually drinking any booze, but he is slurping whipped cream off a scantily-clad young lady's large breasts...

And proceeds to whip his shirt off, of course.

You're Embarrassing Me, Mom!

Joba Chamberlain's mother, Jacqueline Standley, was arrested after selling meth to an undercover police officer back in February. Smooth.

Standley, 44, was taken into custody at her apartment Saturday night, and charged Monday with delivery of [exceptionally hazardous] drugs, which just so happens to be a felony.

I suppose a meth habit would explain the crazy look in her eyes.

[TMZ] | [Deadspin] | [Dirtywood]

Jose Canseco is a Criminal

Let's pause to really take in that head shot.

Okay.

Jose Canseco has been charged with drug smuggling. That sounds pretty exciting and everything, until you read further and find out he was busted trying to bring a fertility drug across the border from Tijuana, Mexico.

But Canseco wasn't trying to make babies. Thank god. Apparently, this specific drug (human chorionic gonadotropin) is banned by the World Anti-Doping Agency because it helps restore production of testosterone in steroid users.

Blah Blah Fertility Drugs. Blah Blah Steroids.

[Union Tribune] | [Jose Canseco's Pool Parties] | [TMZ]

Voodoo Sabermetrics: Josh Hamilton

Welcome to our ninth edition of Voodoo Sabermetrics. This week we're checking out Texas Rangers center fielder Josh Hamilton, his love of all things biblical, baseball and more things biblical. And that one time he got a busload of tattoos and smoked a bunch of illicit street drugs... which you should never try, kids.

I seriously can't believe we haven't Voodoo'ed this guy yet.

Sooze, Babes Love Baseball

Jolliness - Josh Hamilton's jollity dates way back to his left-handed 96mph fastball in highschool, which he used to attract the babes when he wasn't roaming the outfield. His spunk carried into his professional career until it dwindled in 2001 with the emergence of his drug addiction. He pretty much quit playing baseball in 2004 and began his quest to become a full-time crack head, which at times can make a person so jolly that they flip out and rob liquor stores.

It took a couple of years and countless lighters, but Hamilton returned to the minors in 2006. Quite possibly some of the jolliest moments of his playing career have been enjoyed this season, where he hit his first walkoff homer, was selected to the AL All-Star starting roster, set a Homer Derby record by nailing 28 bombs in the first round, and was named Player of the Month after hitting .330 with 32 RBIs in April.

His jolliness is based mostly on his love for baseball, his family and Baby Jesus, stifled only by the mention of his 26 tattoos and sordid past.

Gone Fishin'

This weekend has been a long time in the making. No, I'm not talking about recovering from hours and hours of baseball-drafting.

Lizzy and I will be meeting for the very first time ever in what we're sure will be the most out-of-control weekend ever in the history of BLB, including a Twins vs. White Sox game, many, many frothy beers, Deadspin parties that require no pants, and lots of high fiving. Maybe even some knucks, too. Ya just never know.

So, if you're in the Chicago area and want to buy us frothy beers, feel free. Otherwise, we'll see you Monday, when I'm sure we'll be feeling awesome. We'll leave you with the sure-fire entertainment that is Voodoo Sabermetrics later this afternoon!

Neifi Perez Is a Dumbass (With ADHD)

Detroit Tigers crappy infielder Neifi Perez was suspended for 80 games Friday after testing positive for the third time for continuing to take stimulants, finishing off his worthless season.

Perez was grounded for 25 games on July 6th when he failed a stimulants test for the second time, and was technically still under suspension until after tonight's game against the Chicago White Sox.

He has been the only player stupid enough to get caught three times since stimulants were banned before the 2006 season.

(Updated)
Perez will miss the final 54 games of the regular season and finish serving the suspension next year. That is, if some hard-up team is desperate enough to sign a troubled utility infielder who bats under .200.

The 34-year-old switch-hitter was hitting .172 with one home run and six RBIs in 64 at-bats for the defending AL Champs, with possibly his most memorable moment in a Detroit uni coming when he started a sweet double play to end the eighth inning of Justin Verlander's no-hitter earlier in the season.

He didn't always suck at life and baseball. Perez actually won a Gold Glove at shortstop in 2000 with the Colorado Rockies.

New information from ESPNdesportes this morning thanks to an irritated anonymous commenter: Perez said in an interview with ESPNdesportes that he has ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and was given a prescription for Adderall, an amphetamine. He claims he did not know his medication contained a banned substance and was unaware of the four failed stimulant tests he took this season.


[ESPNdesportes]

[Biz of Baseball]

Oh, Those Drugs Of Abuse

Arizona Diamondbacks minor leaguer, Donnie Sadler became the 20th player to be suspended this year under baseball's minor league program, the sixth for a "drug of abuse."

Sadler was handed a 50-game suspension Saturday after testing positive for an unspecified drug of abuse.

A 32-year-old utility infielder who is a midget stands at 5'6", Sadler has played for five different clubs over eight seasons.

He was 0-1 this season with the D'backs, who brought him up from the AAA Tucson Sidewinders in early May before sending him back down just six days later.

He was batting .214 in 52 games and 112 at-bats for Tucson this year with two home runs and 17 RBIs. Sadler has a career .202 big league average with six homers, 46 RBIs in 418 games.

Testing for drugs of abuse is not administered randomly, but on a basis of reasonable cause. The list of banned substances for drugs of abuse include marijuana, cocaine, LSD, PCP, opiates, MDMA, GHB and Ephedra.

[USA Today]

So, Do We Get Another Apology?

New York Yankees' designated hitter Jason Giambi has had a hell of a week.

Somewhere between admitting that he used steroids and calling for an MLB apology to the fans, he failed to mention that he was busted using other drugs, as well.

That's right. The Giambino flunked an amphetamines test earlier this year, which is the reason behind his additional drug testing.

It's really too bad that an initial failed test is kept confidential, seeing as how Giambi is set to meet with representatives from the commissioner's office as soon as tomorrow. Of course, he declined to comment before last night's loss to the rival Red Sox, saying, "I can't really talk about anything." His agent also would not comment.

Giambi has formed quite a history since joining the Yankees in 2001.

• He testified before a federal grand jury in 2003 concerning his connection to the BALCO steroid controversy.
• He has never publicly failed a steroid test since the results from anonymous "survey" testing in 2003 were never released. However, when he testified before the BALCO grand jury, he admitted to extensive steroid use. That testimony was, of course published a year later by the San Francisco Chronicle.
• In 2004, doctor's discovered a tumor in his pituitary gland, which was treated with corticosteroids - drugs which do essentially the opposite of anabolic steroids as they break down tissue and reduce inflammation. Apparently, he wanted to keep his use of them a secret because he was worried that his fans wouldn't get it.
• This all led up to a 2005 press conference where he offered a vague apology for... doing something bad.

Since Giambi has failed this test (along with possibly more than 80 other players last year) he is subject to six additional tests for the next 365 days from the failed one.

This most recent apology may have been more calculated than we initially thought.
Will Giambi's contract be ripped to shreds? Will he be suspended? Shunned?

I'm guessing another press conference with Giambi seated comfortably next to Joe Torre, each in their own hot seat for another formal I'm Sorry, will set the world right again.

*Under baseball's amphetamines policy, which went into effect last season, a
player who fails a test the first time is not punished and the information
is kept confidential, but he can be tested six additional times within the
next year. After a second offense, the player is suspended for 25 games.

Update: According to Ian from SOX & Dawgs in the comments, the great Peter Gammons is claiming Giambi did not fail an amphetamines test. However, we will never really know for sure, since first failed test results are kept confidential. Also, there's the possibility that he actually didn't take greenies.

[New York Daily News] | [*MLB Testing Policy]

Orlando Cepeda: It's Not Mine, Officer!

Former San Francisco Giants star and Hall of Famer Orlando Cepeda was stopped Tuesday afternoon when his Lexus was clocked at 83 mph in a 65 mph zone on Interstate 80 in Cordelia, CA.

Oh, Those Drugs Of Abuse

Two more minor leaguers - the third and fourth this month - have been suspended for testing positive for a drug of abuse and performance enhancing drugs.

AAA Syracuse, a Toronto Blue Jays affiliate, has suspended reliever Matt Roney for 50 games after the positive drug of abuse test.

The 27-year-old righty was pitching well, with a 2-0 record and 0.90 ERA in five relief appearances for the Chiefs.

Roney signed with Toronto last November and was sent outright to the minors in late March. He has a 1-10 career big league record, going 1-9 in 11 starts and 34 relief appearances for the Detroit Tigers in 2003 and 0-1 in three relief appearances for the Oakland Athletics last year.

The second offender is Detroit right-hander Sendy Vazquez, penalized for testing positive for a performance-enhancing substance under the minor league program. He was suspended for 50 games, starting last Friday. In four starts at Class-A Lakeland, he was 0-3 with an 8.20 ERA.


Fun Fact: Testing for drugs of abuse is not administered randomly, but on a basis of reasonable cause. The list of banned substances for drugs of abuse include marijuana, cocaine, LSD, PCP, opiates, MDMA, GHB and Ephedra.

Neither of these players seem like a big loss to me.

[Yahoo! Sports] | [SI.com]

Oh, Those Drugs Of Abuse

Another minor leaguer has tested positive for drugs of abuse.

Outfielder Cedrick "Doc" Brooks, released by the Colorado Rockies in March, was suspended Wednesday for 50 games by the commissioner's office.

Brooks hit .277 with 16 home runs and 62 RBIs for the Class-A Modesto Nuts in 2006. His penalty will take effect immediately if he signs with another big league organization.

The Rockies acquired Brooks in 2005 as the player to be named in the trade that sent Preston Wilson to the Washington Nationals.

Testing for drugs of abuse is not administered randomly, but on a basis of reasonable cause. The list of banned substances for drugs of abuse include marijuana, cocaine, LSD, PCP, opiates, MDMA, GHB and Ephedra.

[Yahoo! Sports] | [Twins Minor Leaguer Busted On Drugs]