Baseball Madness: From the Depths of the Cactus League

Kevin Rehberg is the Owner/Managing Editor of WestSide Culture, a site dedicated to life, beer, business and sports on the West Coast. Check it out at http://westsideculture.com. Or don't. Either way.

Ahh multitasking. Streaming March Madness on my iPhone, watching the D'backs rout the Cubs and sipping a Sierra Nevada. Tough day at the office. In fact let's get another beer and take this efficiency to another level.

Speaking of sweet gigs, how does one go about getting a job like Manny Ramirez? $500k this season to babysit Yoenis Cespedes, and not even for a full season? Just 2/3 of the year and some Spring Ball. Manny's kickin' back, keeping tabs on the little guy (Cespedes at 210 lbs is not little) and downing some women's estrogen pills. Hey, it's good being an Oakland A. Well, except for that whole paying for soda in the clubhouse thing.

If the regular season is anything like the craziness of this Spring, we are in for a special treat. The Oakland A's at 10-3 have the Cactus League's best record (who would've thunk it?). We already knew the Giants could pitch, but now they can hit. (Royals kicking themselves over that Melky Cabrera trade). Troy Tulowitzki is suddenly an actor. (Probably for the better since the Rockies are terrible). C.J. Wilson gets pitching tips from Kate Upton. (I would too). And Yu Darvish is human. (Maybe).

3 things I'm hoping to see before the A's and Mariners head to Japan: #1) Jurickson Profar and or Mike Trout in action. #2) Trevor Bauer win a starting job in Arizona. #3) Andrew "Cash Money" Cashner hit 104 on the radar gun. He's already done 103. What's another 1MPH, Cash? Rear back and fire it in there. Who cares if you drill someone in the ribs? If your GM, Josh Byrnes, has a problem with it, you have him email me.

[WestSide Culture]

Chicago Cubs Finally Win the World Series in Our Lifetime

Have you ever wondered to yourself, Chicago Cubs fan or not, whether the lovable losers will ever win another World Series? And if they do, will you live to see it? According to many sportsbook reviews, the chances are once again slim for the 2012 season. Fortunately, your wait is over... prepare yourselves for complete and utter pandemonium.

We realize that there are many of you who have already seen this wonderful commercial. But for those of you who do not believe in the glory that is cable television, or simply cannot afford it, please do enjoy.

Road Trip: Welcome to the Cactus League

Kevin Rehberg is the Owner/Managing Editor of WestSide Culture, a site dedicated to life, beer, business and sports on the West Coast. Check it out at http://westsideculture.com. Or don't. Either way.

I grew up in Arizona a Cubs fan, rooting for Ryne Sandberg while attending Giants Spring Training games. In 1998 I became a D'Backs fan when baseball expanded to the Valley. Now I spend my time in San Diego emailing Josh Byrnes bi-weekly, requesting he hire me as his Assistant GM. I remind him that we have Starbucks and baseball as a common bond, and even that we both lived in AZ at the same time. (He has yet to respond).

Season Previews: Chicago Cubs

It's about time to kick off one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Five years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Continuing our preview of the National League Central, here is a sneak peak at the 2012 Chicago Cubs.

It has only been
One hundred and four seasons
Since they won it all

But Theo Epstein
and company will get the
Cubbies back on track

At least that is what
Hoyer and Cherington are
Telling the North Side

No more Zambrano
Paid the Marlins to take him
LMFAO

Welcome DeJesus
Since Quade couldn't cut it
Dale Sveum will try

Kerry Wood relieves?
Geovany Soto will
Squat behind the plate

Dempster, Garza, Wells
Paul Maholm and Volstad
What a rotation

Anthony Rizzo!
LaHair across the diamond
From Ian Stewart

Chicago Cubs Pay Miami Marlins to Take Carlos Zambrano Off their Hands

So the Chicago Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Miami Marlins, who once again are demanding our attention. We can't wait to see him in his new Rainbow Brite uniform.

In return, the Cubbies will get right-hander Chris Volstad while also forking over $15.45 million of Zambrano's $18 million salary this season. Just let that one sink in for a minute.

First off, were the Cubs seriously hating on Big Z so much that they were willing to part with him and pay the majority of his income? You bet. In fact, the club's spankin' new President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein cited mistrust and general distaste among his former teammates as one of the main reasons he had to get him out of there.

What a deal for the Marlins.

Second, Chris Volstad is that guy whose name you can never remember but whose face you think you might recognize. Or not. He's average at best, carrying around a career 4.59 ERA in four big league seasons. Originally the Marlins' first-round pick in 2005, he's been up with the club since 2008, compiling a less than desirable 32-39 record along the way. Obviously, he's no Carlos Zambrano, who touts a 3.60 career ERA in 11 seasons on the North Side, with a 125-81 win-loss. Then again, Volstad probably isn't a psychopath either.

After a tumultuous career in which the 30-year-old righty has squabbled with teammates, managers, coaches, and umpires, the last straw coming on August 12. Upon being ejected from a game for being a total ass, he cleaned out his locker and began starting rumors of his retirement. Apparently he was only joking.

Little Girl Gets Punked by Parents, Hates Her New Chicago Cubs Pillow Pet

Hilarious video of a little Chicago White Sox fan who apparently hates the Cubs so much it makes her want to scream and cry. Enjoy.

[The Last Angry Fan]

Prince Fielder Still a Homeless Free Agent, Where Will He Play in 2012 and Beyond?

It's a little odd that Prince Fielder is still out there on the free agent market. We thought for sure he'd be signed some time during the winter meetings, either before or after the Albert Pujols hoopla. When that didn't happen, we figured he was just being choosy.

A few different teams have been named in the rumor mill, which is full of speculation and lies. We love it.

The Texas Rangers, who clearly have the money to spend after flaunting $51.7 million for rights to negotiates with Yu Darvish and his Nippon Ham Fighters, might be a good fit for the free agent first baseman. First off, The Ballpark in Arlington is a hitter's paradise and Fielder has a huge baseball bat. Second, Mitch Moreland is not Prince Fielder.

Aramis Ramirez Finalizes $36 Million Contract with Milwaukee Brewers

The Milwaukee Brewers finalized their three-year, $36 million deal with Aramis Ramirez on Wednesday, giving their lineup some much-needed pop for the next few seasons. The contract also includes a mutual option for a fourth year, just in case Ramirez isn't actually in the twilight of his career as we suspect.

The 33-year-old third baseman spent the last eight seasons with the Chicago Cubs, his brand new division rival and mortal enemy. However, don't expect him to take out a full-page ad in the Tribune or Sun-Times, or for any Cubbies faithful to be seen burning his jersey on Youtube... he wasn't exactly a deity.

Ramirez was a big contributor to any wins the Cubs did have though, batting .306 with 26 home runs and 93 RBI in 2011. His power at the plate is a welcome sight for Milwaukee, considering the loss of big bats Prince Fielder to free agency (and possibly to the Cubs) and Ryan Braun to an imminent 50-game suspension for suspected cheating. We'll keep you posted on whether or not he wins his appeal, which by the way, will never happen.

This seems like some kind of white flag by the Brewers, since their interest in Ramirez didn't peak (at least not publicly) until the whole Ryan Braun fiasco went down. The veteran might not exactly be a last resort, but he certainly wasn't in the middle of their radar up until last weekend. Is this a signing born in desperation, or will the Brew Crew be happy with their new hot corner?

[ National Post]

Watch Out Everyone, the Prince Fielder Sweepstakes Have Officially Begun

Poor Prince Fielder. After all of the hooting and hollering over Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, and C.J. Wilson, we almost forgot about our chubby free agent first baseman. Let's turn our attention to him for a little bit.

The former Milwaukee Brewers slugger and his agent Scott Boras are open for negotiations now that all the other big fish have been reeled in. However, they seem to be searching for a suitor who's willing to spend $200 million over seven or eight years, which is going to be tough to find since most teams out there won't be into the idea of give Fielder more than a five year contract, even though he's apparently only 27.

It's speculated that either the Miami Marlins or St. Louis Cardinals could afford to sign him, considering the ridiculous contracts both teams offered Pujols. However, the Texas Rangers might want his services to help with the imminent battle against their division rival Angels, who are about to dominate the hell out of the American League West. Count on it.

Ageless Albert Pujols Commands Serious Dollar Signs to Leave St. Louis Cardinals

Albert Pujols and his douchey agent (we pretty much take everything bad we've ever said about Scott Boras back) have some mighty lucrative offers to consider this week: one from the big-spending Marlins, another meaning he won't need to pack a thing, and a third 10-year offer from a team which has refused to go public. Hopefully it's the Cubs.

Update: Never mind, it's just the Los Angeles Angels.

Miami reportedly met with the nine-time All-Star and agent Dan Lozano to offer a 10-year deal Monday night, upping their previous offer which was apparently less than the nine-year, $198 million the St. Louis Cardinals tossed up last spring. If he actually is the age he says he is, that would make him a 41-year-old first baseman in the National League at the end of his contract. Unless he really is a robot... either way we'll be forced to use the Old People tag on him. Of course, he'll have a shot at being a designated hitter when baseball does their whole expansion dance during Interleague contests, which will eventually occur throughout the entire season.

Chicago Cubs Sign David DeJesus for Two Years, Slowly Getting their Crap Together

David DeJesus, who we've referred to as David DeLicious on more than one occasion, has reached an agreement with the Chicago Cubs on a $10 million, two-year contract which includes a 2014 club option.

The 31-year-old free agent outfielder has compiled a .284 career batting average over nine big league seasons between the Kansas City Royals and Oakland Athletics, but we like to think of his time in Oakland (one stupid season in which he hit just .240 with 10 home runs and 46 RBI) as a transitional period into better times. It was statistically the worst season of his life.

Heading into the 2011 season with the A's, DeJesus brought with him a 241-game errorless streak, which just so happened to be the longest active streak among major league outfielders at the time. He then went on to make four errors in 250 chances to round out a nice a .984 fielding percentage. Obviously, not only is he flipping adorable, he has a pretty reliable glove. Plus he's a switch-hitter, so there's that.

While he's spent most of his career as a center fielder, DeJesus has played the corners for the last three seasons, where he's expected to play in Chicago. Spankin' new Cubs general manager Jed Hoyer had this to say about his new outfielder:

"We're very excited to sign David. He's a player who does a lot of things very well, including running the bases and getting on base, and he doesn't strike out very much. These are all areas we wanted to improve on going into next year. He's a player who's very versatile. We can work him in a lot of different spots in the lineup. Our priority was to get more balance in our lineup from the left side, and David being a switch-hitter helps us in that area."

[ESPN Chicago]

Cubs Introduce Dale Sveum as New Manager in Charge of Hot Chicago Mess

Dale Sveum was introduced as the Chicago Cubs’ new manager Friday morning.

Although he was apparently not good enough to manage the Milwaukee Brewers or Boston Red Sox, Sveum has being given the biggest challenge in all of baseball: attempt to end a 103-year World Series drought.

The Brewers hitting coach for the past three seasons, he rejoins old pal Theo Epstein, who he worked with in Boston as the third base coach in 2004-05. Sveum was given a three-year deal with a club option for 2015.

Mike Quade, who was barely given a chance, was canned two weeks ago so it was only a matter of time before the new front office (compiled of new President of Baseball Operations Epstein along with former Red Sox executives Jed Hoyer and Jason McLeod) found someone they were familiar with. These guys are more than confident they can get the Cubbies get out of this funk, as is Sveum himself:

Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer: Reunited and it Feels So Good

Not only did the Chicago Cubs smuggle Padres general manager Jed Hoyer out of San Diego, but they took his assistant with them as well.

Hoyer and his assistant Jason McLeod, who will become the new senior vice president of scouting and player development for the Cubs, have been planning on making their escape from the Padres ever since Hoyer's old pal Theo Epstein left the Boston Red Sox to become the president of baseball operations on the north side of the windy city. Apparently they love a challenge.

Theo Epstein Officially Joins Cubs, Ben Cherington Likely Replacement in Boston

A guest post from our girl Muffin Top to support her new blogging endeavors.

An incredible run that included two World Series Championships (and three extra playoff berths via Wild Card) for the youngest ever general manager in baseball at the time ended on a sour note with fried chicken, beer bellies, and mayhem last month before Theo Epstein decided to abandon ship and head for Chicago.

Not sure it will be any smoother sailing in the windy city, but Theo Epstein is always up for a challenge... except that one time he quit his general manager job for five days upon sneaking out of Fenway Park disguised as a gorilla. We all do things we're not proud of.

Epstein, now 37, officially resigned from his position as Red Sox general manager Friday night and became the president of baseball operations for the Cubs. Of course, fans on the North Side are especially giddy, considering they haven't won a World Series since back in 1908. The one man who seems equipped for the job of bringing that end of the city their first Championship in over a century made it possible for Boston after an 86-year drought before they captured another ring three years later in 2007.

Theo Epstein Leaves Boston to Heal the Chicago Cubs

Someone slipped a juicy rumor to the Associated Press Tuesday night: Boston Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein is definitely headed to the Windy City to take over the Chicago Cubs organization.

Turns out it's more than just a rumor, as WEEI Sports Radio reported Wednesday morning that Theo has signed a five-year deal worth roughly $15 million, which is expected to be finalized by the end of the week. Maybe he'll invite Terry Francona to join him, cause Mike Quade is not exactly getting the job done.

The Cubs fired general manager Jim Hendry back in August and managed to avoid a 100-loss season with a 71-91 record. While the Red Sox missed the postseason following the most embarrassing collapse in big league history in which they failed to win back-to-back games at any point in the month of September, the Cubs haven't won a World Series since 1908. Both sucky scenarios.

As if this Whole Mess is Terry Francona's Fault

According to several sources, including Ken Rosenthal, Terry Francona and the Boston Red Sox will be parting ways this offseason, which began some time Thursday morning when Sawx Nation woke up and realized this was all not just a bad dream, and they indeed had missed the playoffs.

The decision to let Francona go was on the shoulders of principal owner John Henry, who has apparently seen enough over the past month. He would not be fired, rather the club would simply not pick up his 2012 and '13 option.

Of course, now that Ozzie Guillen has left the Chicago White Sox to spend the next four seasons with the Miami Marlins, there is some speculation that Francona could take the job on the South Side, since he already managed five seasons with their minor-league system in the early 1990s. Speaking of Chicago, Mike Quade is bound to get canned, so there's a possibility Tito could end up on the North Side as well.

In what has been deemed one of the worst collapses in the history of baseball, Boston and their $161 million payroll (third highest in the majors) dropped 20 of their 27 final games due to a lethal combination of untimely injuries, crappy pitching, lethargic offense, and perhaps even some mismanagement. Yes, 2011 was a complete failure.

General manager Theo Epstein said, "nobody blames Tito for what happened in September. That would be totally irresponsible and totally short-sighted."

Totally.

Cardinals Pull Within One Game of Braves for Wild Card

Exactly a month ago, the St. Louis Cardinals were staring down an autumn without a postseason. Now, in the last week of the season, they have pulled within one game of the Atlanta Braves for the National League Wild Card with just three games to play after Sunday's 3-2 win over those good old fashioned Spoilers, the Chicago Cubs.

Skipper Tony La Russa and the entire team decided to don Hawaiian t-shirts before the game in a showing of unity... I'm not sure I get that, but I guess it's kind of like the Tampa Bay Rays sporting their Rayhawks back in 2008. Whatever happened to old school superstisions like not washing your jock strap or eating turkey sandwiches before every game?

Time Machine: Brewers Win First Division Since 1982

It's been so long since the Milwaukee Brewers won a division title, that the last time they did -- back in 1982 -- was the same year that Cal Ripken, Jr. began his streak of 2,632 consecutive Major League Baseball games played. Yep, some of you weren't even born yet.

Between Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun on Friday night, nothing was going to stop the Brewers from taking home the National League Central title... except maybe the St. Louis Cardinals beating the Chicago Cubs. But those Cubbies did what they do best in September: play the spoiler.

It Was a Matter of Time Before Jim Hendry Got Canned

Tom Ricketts has seen enough. Jim Hendry has finally been fired after extending his team's World Series drought to 103 years.

The Chicago Cubs general manager has certainly had his ups and downs over the last nine seasons... mostly downs. Another disappointing end to another miserable season was the last straw for new owner Ricketts, who said it was time for a "fresh approach in our baseball leadership."

Carlos Zambrano Talks Retirement, Changes his Mind

Carlos Zambrano wants the Cubs to take him back, claiming he'd still like to pitch for the team, even though he said he was done with them a couple days ago.

Apparently, he was just "frustrated" when he told club personnel that he wanted to retire after his most recent start. Zambrano cleaned out his locker and said that he wanted to retire after giving up five home runs and being ejected from Friday night's 10-4 loss to the Atlanta Braves following two brushbacks to Chipper Jones.