Rangers Meet Lance Berkman and Allen Craig, Drop World Series Game 1 to Cardinals

Chris Carpenter came up big over six solid innings Wednesday night -- including a nice diving defensive play in the first for which Elvis Adrus deserves a thank you gift for not crushing the pitcher's right hand -- to help his St. Louis Cardinals earn a 3-2 victory over the Texas Rangers in Game 1 of the World Series.

After three scoreless innings pitched by both Carpenter and C.J. Wilson, it was looking like quite the pitcher's duel. But with Matt Holliday on second after a double that moved Albert Pujols to third after being hit by a pitch to lead off the fourth, Lance Berkman nailed an RBI single to give the Cardinals an early 2-0 lead.

Nelson Cruz Does it Again, First Ever Walkoff Grand Slam in Postseason History

Are you joking me Nelson Cruz?

Just two innings after it appeared his wrist was shattered into a million pieces by a 92-mph Jose Valverde fastball in the ninth, the Texas Rangers outfielder took advantage of a second consecutive Ryan Perry slider to give his team a 2-0 advantage in the best-of-seven ALCS with a 7-3 victory over the Detroit Tigers in 11 innings.

What's more amazing than that? Not only did he go yard to tie it up at 3 runs-a piece in the seventh inning and kick opposing starter Max Scherzer off the hill, but his extra-inning, walkoff grand slam marked the first in the history of ever.

To clarify, it's only technically the first walkoff grand slam in MLB playoff history. Back in 1993, Robin Ventura hit one during the 1999 NLCS for the Mets, but he was so busy celebrating the victory, he failed to touch home plate and was credited with a Grand Slam Single. In his defense, however, his stupid teammates carried him off the field before he had a chance to score. (Details, Schmetails.) God, we went from talking about Ventura pretty much never to mentioning him like three times in a week. I'm sure we'll have a lot more to make fun of him for to talk about regarding his White Sox managing adventure in 2012.

Robin Ventura Shakes Headlock, Takes a Stab at Managing White Sox

Robin Ventura, best know for getting his ass beat by Nolan Ryan (I swear that will be on this poor sap's tombstone) has taken Ozzie Guillen's job as skipper of the South Siders.

The former White Sox third baseman joined the team this summer as a "special adviser" to director of player development Buddy Bell, which is apparently a lot like managing a ball club. Fun fact: Ventura has never so much as managed a little little league team in his entire life... Oh well.

The White Sox don't seem to care about this minor detail, however. They just had to snag him up before another club did. You know, one who preferred a skipper with zero credentials. Besides, they had to get a name out there that someone recognized so the world would'nt realize that no one wants to be in charge of that mess, let alone listen to Ken Williams babble on and on.

Terry Francona is too Cool to Manage, Opts for Commentating

Terry Francona, after being ousted as the Boston Red Sox manager last weekend, has been offered a job as an analyst with FOX during the first two games of the American League Championship Series this postseason. Obvioiusly, he accepted since he doesn't really have much else going on.

The two-time World Series Champion skipper and curse-breaker, who was with the Red Sox for eight glorious seasons, maintains that he wasn't exactly fired, but he did mention that owner Jim Henry didn't really ask him if he wanted to stick around last Friday, either.

And maybe this whole Boston Bust wasn't his fault anyway. Apparently players were pounding beers during games and packing on the pounds this season. Kinda hard to hit or throw a baseball when you're buzzed. Take it from me.

Moving right along. Since Tim McCarver will be out of commission due to some mystery medical operation (hopefully getting his voice box removed) Francona will take his place alongside Joe Buck. Tito seems a little nervous about his new endeavor:

"I’ve only broadcast one other game in my life, and that was in the Arizona Fall League about 13 years ago and it was on radio and there were probably 12 people [listening] and I sucked. So this is going to be interesting.’"

This will likely be a complete disaster, but we're going to watch it unfold with the volume up anyway.

Game 1 of the ALCS is scheduled for Saturday with the Texas Rangers either hosting the Detroit Tigers or facing the Yankees in the Bronx. We can't wait.

[Boston.com]

Joe Buck Yourself

As if the sports-loving world doesn't get enough Joe Buck, HBO has given him his very own television show. Thanks.

Now, I'm not that hard to please, and it's rather difficult to annoy me. Buck, however, has managed to irritate the crap out of me time and time again. I honestly can't even stand the sound of his voice. At all.

Then I saw this promo, courtesy of Awful Announcing, an expert source for all the stupid things that fly out of commentators mouths.

If Buck pokes this much fun at himself throughout the show, I just might enjoy it.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As the world series has now officially began, I'm inspired to write about the good, the bad, and the ugly of the last 46 minutes.

Good:
1. I am watching the game from my hotel room overlooking the beach. Score.
2. The Backstreet Boys sang the national anthem. I'll proudly admit I love the hell out of those guys.
3. The Red Sox didn't make it to this game. Neither did the Yankees. Hooray!
4. Chase Utley hit a two run bomb in the first inning. Mind you, I'm not rooting for either team necessarily, but World Series homers are always exciting.
5. The audience has a fever. MORE COWBELL!! Nice.

Bad:1. Joe fucking Buck. GOD he sucks.
2. The Twins didn't make it to this game. Neither did any teams from Southern California, allowing me to try to get to a game. Sigh.
3. All of the 'worst to first' commentary. We know, we know. The Rays sucked when the devil was part of their name. Praise be to Jesus.
4. They cut off Jason Bartlett when he was about to introduce himself in the lineup. Poor bastard.
5. Evan Longoria is cute, but not nearly as hot as Eva Longoria. Now, I may be straight and married, but I'd make out with her.

Ugly:1: Joe fucking Buck. Again, he sucks. Someone should punch him in the face.
2: The Phillies defense in the first inning. Hmmm.
3: Howie from the Backstreet Boys. Never liked him. Wish he quit instead of Kevin.
4: Tampa's stadium. Dreary and lame. Didn't they learn from the Metrodome??
5: Did I mention Joe Buck? Fuck the Buck. I wish he'd shut up. I'm going to make Fuck the Buck t-shirts and bumper stickers. I think I'll be rich.

HAPPY WORLD SERIES EVERYONE! YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!

I Strongly Dislike Joe Buck

To your right you may notice a studio picture of color tv analyst Joe Buck, sporting his best Douchey McDoucherton face. Lovely, I know.

I try not to use the word 'hate' very often. It's like 'love' that way. The more you use it, the faster it loses its meaning. However, when describing the way Joe Buck makes me feel when I watch a FOX Sporting event, the word 'hate' does come to mind... along with classics like 'hurl', 'shut up' and 'bitch-slap'.

In any case, another guy that makes me feel this awesome is Colin Cowherd. *shudder* Just listen to this clip, via Awful Announcing, always looking out.

You don't like watching baseball? Please, by all means, watch the Bachelorette and find another profession. Ass.

[Awful Announcing] | [Fanhouse] | [Sports by Brooks]