Scott Spiezio: a Smooth Criminal

Scott Spiezio and his stupid effing flavor-saver are running from the law. Ergo, he's been released by the St. Louis Cardinals.

Police issued a six-count warrant for the 35-year-old utility infielder's arrest following a December car crash which alleges driving under influence, driving under the influence with a blood alcohol content of .08% or more, hit and run, aggravated assault, aaaaaaaand assault and battery.

What a guy.

The maximum penalty is two years in state prison, where he may or may not become someone's bitch for dying his facial hair red. On purpose.

[MLB]