Now that Spring Training has started, we're continuing on with Season Previews. Last year, they began as a serious analysis and ended as half-assed haiku, which we're just gonna keep rolling with.
Kicking off our National League season previews are the Atlanta Braves, home of sweet-swinging switch-hitter, Chipper Jones... who is fricking awesome, in case you weren't aware.
Tom Glavine is old
Time for him to retire
Should Smoltz join him too?
Career year for Jones
Too bad he's a Dodger now
Teixeira hits bombs...
and holds down first base
Kotsay up the middle. Yum.
Francoeur out in right
Jair Jurrjens is young
Mike Hampton is hurt. Surprise!
McCann behind home
Marry me Chipper!
I want to have your babies
Just kidding... sort of.
[Talking Chop] | [Chop n' Change] | [Braves Nation] | [Braves Blast]
6 comments:
I see Tom Glavine has come full circle, since the same line was used to open the Mets season preview last year. Well done, ladies.
Brilliant as usual, but if I come back here and see anymore Glavine bashing, I'm cracking skulls.
/Principal Richard Vernon
I believe the lines you're looking for, Jake, is "EL Duque is old, Tom Glavine is older." Close though! I'd never bash a legend... unless that legend is Roger Clemens.
You're safe because you didn't specify whether or not Andruw would have a career-best, or career-worst, year.
My irrational, rabid hatred of the Braves and Tom Glavine is only surpassed by the blinding rage mixed with grudging respect and admiration I feel for one Larry "Chipper" Jones, who by himself crushed my childhood dreams numerous times. I am utterly incapable of saying his name in any other tone than a leering sneer.
Mark Kotsay... *drool*
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