Chicago Cubs Pay Miami Marlins to Take Carlos Zambrano Off their Hands

So the Chicago Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Miami Marlins, who once again are demanding our attention. We can't wait to see him in his new Rainbow Brite uniform.

In return, the Cubbies will get right-hander Chris Volstad while also forking over $15.45 million of Zambrano's $18 million salary this season. Just let that one sink in for a minute.

First off, were the Cubs seriously hating on Big Z so much that they were willing to part with him and pay the majority of his income? You bet. In fact, the club's spankin' new President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein cited mistrust and general distaste among his former teammates as one of the main reasons he had to get him out of there.

What a deal for the Marlins.

Second, Chris Volstad is that guy whose name you can never remember but whose face you think you might recognize. Or not. He's average at best, carrying around a career 4.59 ERA in four big league seasons. Originally the Marlins' first-round pick in 2005, he's been up with the club since 2008, compiling a less than desirable 32-39 record along the way. Obviously, he's no Carlos Zambrano, who touts a 3.60 career ERA in 11 seasons on the North Side, with a 125-81 win-loss. Then again, Volstad probably isn't a psychopath either.

After a tumultuous career in which the 30-year-old righty has squabbled with teammates, managers, coaches, and umpires, the last straw coming on August 12. Upon being ejected from a game for being a total ass, he cleaned out his locker and began starting rumors of his retirement. Apparently he was only joking.

Silly Marlins, don't they know how big of a pain in the butt he can be? We can't wait to see what happens when he and good buddy/fellow Venezuelan Ozzie Guillen are at their best... or worst. Together. This from Marlins President of Baseball Operations Larry Beinfest:

"It would hard for me to say everything is going to be perfect and incident-free, given the guy’s history... It may happen that he has a blowup or two. But Ozzie is very confident he can help him."

This whole fiasco could (and probably will be) a reality television show some day.

On a serious note, check out the Marlins rotation for 2012: newcomer Mark Buehrle, Josh Johnson, Ricky Nolasco, Anibal Sanchez, and now Carlos Zambrano. Holy crap.

[Call to the Pan]