We took a little time out of our alcohol-induced coma this weekend to catch up with angry drunk/Florida Marlins hurler Scott Olsen, who was tasered by cops at 4am this morning in front of his home.Sooze: "So, Scott. There's nothing like driving drunk and assaulting an officer of the law after pitching a great game. How do you feel?"
Scott Olsen: "Like punching sthomeone in the... hiccup... face."
Lizzy: "Dontrelle Willis peed on a lady cop earlier this year - has he shown any support for your situation?"
Scott Olsen: "Dontrelle Willisssss. Fu... hiccup... fuck that guy. 'Hey, D Trainnnn! It's the strike-hic-zone calling. Miss me? It's been a while, fucker.'"
Sooze: "Hmmm. Sounds like fighin' words to me."
Scott Olsen: "Shot?"Lizzy and Sooze: "Yes, please."
Scott Olsen toasts to "hard drinks and loose women" and the interview continues...
Lizzy: "You just finished serving a two-game suspension for getting into it with fellow Marlins pitcher Sergio Mitre. Then, there was the time Randy Messenger gave you a shiner. When will you learn your lesson?"
Scott Olsen: "I think you sthould teacth me a lesshon."
long awkward pause...
Sooze: "Ahh... you're wasted, buddy."
Scott Olsen: I'm just buzzed. I've been a bad boy... and I need to... hiccup... behave."Lizzy: "Classic case of role-reversal. You're embarrassed of your need to be dominated by the opposite sex, so you take it out on your teammates and the Miami police department."
Scott Olsen: "Can I call you Mommy?"
Sooze: "I'll spank you for like, a hundred bucks."
Lizzy: "I'll punch you in the face for free!"
Scott Olsen: "Really? You'd do that?"
Lizzy: Oh sure. It'd be my pleasure.
Lizzy knocks out Scott Olsen with a mean left hook...
Sooze: "Oh man. That guy is toast. Let's take his wallet! "Lizzy: "You're hammered, Scott Olsen."
Lizzy pulls out a Sharpie...
Sooze writes "BALLS" on Scott Olsen's forehead...
High-fiving ensues.
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