Hank Steinbrenner is All Business

New York Yankees co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner had a little something to say regarding his team's social lives on Monday:

I think, maybe, they celebrated too much last year. Some of the players, too busy building mansions and doing other things and not concentrating on winning. I have no problem saying that... maybe they were riding the wave of '09 a little too much, and it happens sometimes.

Who Doesn't Want Cliff Lee on Their Team?

Judging from our recent Winter Meeting Wish List collaboration, damn near everyone wants Cliff Lee for the Holidays.

There are a few wild rumors floating around this morning about the Washington Nationals offering the former Texas Rangers ace a pile of money to help save their organization, which is likely not even close to the truth.

Though we have no clue where the 2008 Cy Young Award winner will end up, we can be sure he's looking for a long-term deal around seven years.

This brings us to this awesome dramatic reenactment via PM Sports. Enjoy!

As If Derek Jeter Could Ever Leave the Bronx

It was inevitable. After all of the back and forth negotiations between Derek Jeter, his agent Casey Close, and the New York Yankees brass, we just knew this would end with the shortstop in pinstripes, earning a decent living.

Maybe dressing up as elves and dancing the jig helped move things along a little.

Talks Between Jeter and Yankees Heat Up

Don't look now, but the New York Yankees have raised the stakes.

The club has reportedly increased their offer in an attempt to keep All-Star shortstop Derek Jeter in pinstripes, according to an anonymous leaker near negotiations.

While Jeter's agent, Casey Close, has declined to comment, co-owner Hank Steinbrenner had this to say:

The ball’s in Derek’s court now, and his agent. It’s up to them. We don’t know how happy they are. We’ll see... There’s no possible way anybody could criticize us for what we’ve offered.

Yeah, those ungrateful money-grubbing bastards. When you're talking millions and millions of dollars, what the hell is the difference?

Happy Holidays from the New York Yankees

Everyone knows that New York Yankees co-owner Hank Steinbrenner, general manager Brian Cashman and disgruntled shortstop Derek Jeter all get along swell in real life. In fact, they often dress up as elves and dance around with eachother...

Please Stop Speaking, Hank Steinbrenner

I thought the media made it clear they had very little interest in what Hank Steinbrenner has to say. Perhaps I was wrong.

This week's outspoken comment came in the form of an insult, I guess? Steinbrenner apparently wasn't pleased with Jonathon Papelbon's recent pencil-pushing comment.

"Being insulted by Papelbon is like being attacked by a mouse."

Well... what if the mouse was rabid? Pretty sure that can kill a person.

In response to that ludicrous comparison, Paps said, "Whatever dude."

But that's not all! Now Hank is attacking the Tampa Bay Rays. You know, the new bullies of the AL East? Yeah.

He has officially declared shenanigans on the Rays for "going after [the Yankees'] star players" like superstar... Shelly Duncan? And of course, since Mini-Stein's douchebagginess knows no bounds, he managed to make this about money.

"I would prefer if teams want to target the Yankees that they at least start giving some of that revenue sharing and luxury tax money back. From an owners point of view, that's my point."

[Extra Bases]

Hank Steinbrenner: Stop Talking Please

Hank Steinbrenner is in the news once again thanks to the large orphus he calls his mouth.

During a telephone interview with the Associated Press Monday night, Hank said he feels steroids are a bigger problem in the NFL, based on the size and speed of the players. He added that he doesn't like baseball "being singled out" and wondered why no one is looking into the NFL.

While that is a fabulous point, it's a bit tactless at the moment. In the wake of the remorseful apology on behalf of Andy Pettitte and the half-assed admittance of a distraction by not Eric Gagne, but the Mitchell Report itself, the last thing Junior needs to do is discount what has become a serious problem in the game.

[Newsday]

Venezuelan Heat Update

Yes, the New York Yankees are still mulling over the idea to pursue a trade for Minnesota Twins ace Johan Santana.

Righty phenom Phil Hughes and center fielder Melky Cabrera would still likely be part of a three-player package needed to obtain the two-time Cy Young Award winner, who faces free agency after this season.

Hank Steinbrenner says, "I'm still leaning towards doing it. There's others leaning not to do it. There are some others that are leaning to do it also."

Thanks for clearing that up, Hank.

[ESPN]

Check out this post on Epic Carnival to see who will be testifying before the House of Pain in a couple weeks.

A Fan Letter to Hank Steinbrenner

Dear Hank,

I know this must be odd, as I'm sure you're not used to getting fan mail from Red Sox Nation, but I just wanted to tell you what a fantastic job you are doing at turning the Yankee organization into a giant joke.

First of all, there was the A-Rod fiasco. You took the stance of the angry boyfriend, and told the belligerent and over-emotional vagina that is your starting 3rd baseman that if he decided to give the proverbial middle finger to the Yankees and opt out, you would not negotiate. Now, I'm not sure if this was ever fully disclosed to A-Rod, or if he'd OD'd on his birth control pills when Satan Boras told him, but the New York media certainly knew. Because that is typically the best way to negotiate with a player, on the back pages of the New York tabloids.

Low and behold, when Slappy McTampon Face found out that he was demanding a salary higher than the GNP of most third-world nations, he came crawling back. I'm curious though, all of New York believes he's returning because of that gaping hole in your face, has a contract been signed yet? Didn't think so. What about Mariano? Paying a guy who's best days are LONG gone 14 million a year for the next three years is seriously one of the greatest ideas I've ever heard.

More recently, there is the issue so close to my Sooz's heart. Johan Santana. The Yankees have offered The Latest Guy Compared to The Obese Dinosaur, Phil Hughes. You have told any media outlet that would listen that your offer goes off the table on Monday. For the love of ROGER, Hank, do these Midwestern morons even KNOW who they're dealing with. They're dealing with the YANKEES. The greatest team to have not won a World Series in 7 years. Those cheese-eating pussies with their funny accents should be chomping at the bit to get a guy who, albeit 22, spent most of 2007 injured. And just to show how fucking generous you are, you threw in Melky Cabrera. Robinson Cano will end up crying himself to sleep every night because he and Melky won't be able to take their pepperoni nipples and run train on groupies anymore. But you're still willing to part with them, to take Santana off of the Twins' hands. As we say in Boston, Hank, you're WICKED PISSAH!!!!

In closing, I'm thrilled to sit back and watch you completely destroy all the good that Brian Cashman has done for the Yankees organization. Fuck the prospects, who needs 'em? Throwing bajillions of dollars at aging stars is the way to build an team. The Twins have no idea that they are dealing with Hank Steinbrenner, Diet George, George Lite, the badassed motherfucker who doesn't need your crappy Cy Young winning pitcher. Doesn't the rest of baseball know that the only way to build a team is to keep the media sucking at your proverbial teet? Keep fucking all of baseball with that proverbial iron wiener of yours, Hank, I seriously think I'm you're biggest fan.

LOVE,
LIZZY XOXOXOXOXOXXO