Stand By Your Man

Roger Clemens' agent, Randy Hendricks, has been one busy guy. No, he hasn't been shopping The Rocket around, he's been writing an 18,000-word essay he likes to call a "statistical analysis" on why his client should be cleared of performance-enhancing drug use allegations.

"Clemens longevity was due to his ability to adjust his style of pitching as he got older, incorporating his very effective split-finger fastball to offset the decrease in speed of his regular fastball caused by aging."

Next thing you know, this guy is gonna invent the gyroball.

Gyroball (n.) The gyroball, for those unfamiliar, is a virtually un-hittable pitch which has allegedly already been developed. It was born in a test tube using computer simulations by two scientists somewhere in Japan, the formula shown only to Daisuke Matsuzaka. At the point of release, the pitcher rotates his arm so that it moves away from his body, causing the ball to break back and forth before it stops time completely. This strange delivery creates a bullet-like spin on the ball, like a perfectly thrown spiral. Picture John Elway or Dan Marino. Now with a baseball and Japanese.

Since the release of the Mitchell Report, Clemens has gone on record with an internet video, newspaper columnists and most recently, Mike Wallace on CBS' 60 Minutes. In every instance, he denies his former trainer, Brian McNamee's allegations of having ever used steroids.

Next. Story. Please.

[Newsday]