Wednesday's Babelicious Ass Whoopin'

Look at all those people!

And yeah, that's a record. During game one of a Wednesday double-header, the Texas Rangers became the first team in 110 years to score 30 runs in a game, setting an AL record with a 30-3 piss-pounding of the Baltimore Orioles.

So, in what inning did O's fans start emptying their seats? Maybe it was after the five-run fourth. Or that nine-run sixth. Did anyone stick around to watch the Rangers score ten more runs in the eighth? I wonder if anyone was even left to witness the other six batters cross home plate in the ninth.

Trailing 3-zip over the first three innings, the Rangers unleashed their kung-fu fury. Their first victim was losing pitcher Daniel Cabrera, who accounted for 6 runs on 9 hits with a walk and three strikeouts. Then came Brian Burres in the sixth. He managed to give up 8 runs and 8 hits with a walk and a strikeout, retiring just two batters.

Third was reliever Rob Bell, who finished the inning and pitched the seventh, surrendering 7 runs on 5 hits with 3 walks and a strikeout. The fourth and final of the Rangers' victims was Paul Shuey. He pitched the eighth and ninth for nine runs, seven hits and three walks. Strong finish, pal!


Marlon Byrd hit a grand slam for the Orioles, which is awesome... but not as awesome the grand salami off the bat of Travis Metcalf, who was called up from the AAA Oklahoma RedHawks earlier in the day. Wow.

To avoid a 500-word post here, just check out the box score. Obviously, it's ridiculous.

Fun fact from Elias: It was the ninth time a big league team scored 30 runs, the first since the Chicago Colts set the mark in a 36-7 rout of Louisville Colonels on June 28, 1897.